Wednesday, March 18th

Dear Poor Lucky Me,

One of my main objections about work is that I felt like I got tricked into a cult-like arranged group marriage with a bunch of dumbasses.  I have to spent 10 hours a day with these people, which is more waking hours than I spend with my wife!

I think we should be able to at least choose who sits near us, if they won’t let us choose entirely who we work with.  I can’t stand some of these people.  Seriously.  Isn’t this America?

Yours Truly,

My Best Days Were When I Sat Next To The Copy Machine

Dear Copy Machine,

This is America, you don’t have to stand for any annoyances or abuses in the workplace.  In these tough economic times, it seems so pointless to struggle in a job you find the least bit irritating or hard or unfulfilling or fulfilling but requiring you wake up early.  If you quit now, you’ll be a part of something: the unemployed!  Your friends and family might not “get it” but that’s because they are short sighted.  Don’t you want grand tales of woe that you can talk about for decades to come?  Or do you want some stupid job that you have to work at all day and pays you money and health insurance and gives you a computer to shop on-line with?  Psh.

If you don’t feel ready to load up the pots and pans on your burro and join the soup lines, maybe you could try asking your office manager to have your desk reassigned.  You’ll expose yourself as a crybaby, but it will prevent you from having to take more extreme measures – like not showering, refusing to speak English, insisting on working in bare feet, and always borrowing money from your cube mate.  My office manager wouldn’t move me but my office mates did surround my desk with Chinese screens  so they don’t have to look at the aggressive facial piercings I got to spite them all.

Sincerely,

Poor Lucky Me