Tuesday, April 21st

Dear Poor Lucky Me,

I just read a story about a man who robbed an Old Navy store at gun point. (Click here for the article)

How much cash is in an Old Navy register? To make matters worse, I think he executed the job during a sale. Even if someone had just bought 50 pair of plaid shorts and Capri pants, he couldn’t have gotten away with much more than $250.  What is up with criminals these days?

Signed,

If I were a robber, I’d try to find a Banana Republic

Dear I’d Try to Find a Banana Republic,

Maybe the crappy education system in this country is actually a conspiracy to thwart criminals.  That would make some sense I guess.  I got pretty far in my formal education but if I see a price tag that says $9.95 I still say “It’s nine dollars” so I can’t really be very judgmental.  I would guess an Old Navy drawer probably only holds $350, but that can buy you a lot of crack rocks.  Trust me.

Old Navy makes me uncomfortable in the same way that Taco Bell makes me uncomfortable.  A tank top should no more cost $5 than a taco should cost 49 cents (where is the “cents” symbol on a keyboard?  Did they get rid of that or something?).  How cheap are the raw materials that make up these items?

It’s really creepy to think about especially if you load up your Netflix queue with leftist documentaries about the effects of globalism on third world nations or what the cows look like that come from corporate farms.  I have to spend a lot of time sobbing with guilt in my closet stuffed with clothes and emotionally eating in front of my well stocked refrigerator.  I also watch movies like “27 Dresses” and “Royal Wedding: Part II” to make myself feel better.

I’m sure the guy robbed an Old Navy because the people that work there couldn’t give a crap.  They were probably all back in the stock room napping and comparing American Idol notes.  You could set off a bomb in Old Navy and not cause injury to a single employee.

Sincerely,

Poor Lucky Me

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