Ex-Fatty Not Flattered

Dear Poor Lucky Me,
I recently lost a good amount of weight, and if I do say so myself, I look pretty hot. My problem is what to say to the complete social morons who, when they see me, say “My god, you’ve lost A TONOFWEIGHT!!!”

 

I suppose they think I will be flattered by their comments, but I silently think “Did hey really think that I needed to lose a TONOFWEIGHT???”

 

I have tried laughing it off and just changing the subject, but nothing seems to work.

 

Please, help.

 

Signed,

 

Skinny Now

 

Dear Skinny Now,

 

I know it sounds like these people are just giving you clumsy compliments, but they are actually telling you that they are insanely jealous. Most asshole behavior is due to jealousy.

 

I know this because so many people are jealous of me so they say rude things like “Why don’t you ever get to work on time” and “Why are you drinking scotch out of a milk carton during this meeting” and “You have dog poo on your shoe and have walked all around my office and ground it into the carpet.”

 

Jerks.

 

I’m sure you didn’t have a ton of weight to lose and I’m sure you look lovely. Instead of changing the subject, why don’t you say “I know you could lose weight too, if you just try! Do you want some tips?” Then smile sweetly. Or laugh maniacally.

 

Sincerely,

 

Poor Lucky Me

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...

Speak Your Mind

*