Conflicts between friends can be unpleasant. Especially when you discover that some one you thought was normal is actually insane. Perhaps this is a good reason to have conflicts: to weed out the insane people.
There are some relationships that feel like a ticking time bomb. You watch them blow up other friendships and think “this will soon be aimed at me” but you can’t be all Minority Report about your social life, so you try to operate as if you don’t know what’s right around the corner.
When the crazy bomb is detonated in your direction, you feel a little smug that you predicted it. But you also feel annoyed that you fell for the person’s crap, and sad about losing a friend.
Everyone must be careful about how the handle conflicts. For instance: don’t hang up on some one expecting that they’ll call you right back. Sometimes they don’t call back, and you’re stuck with a great bitch-out speech that you can’t use.
When writing a scathing email: be aware that you sort of look like a pussy for not having a face to face conversation (even face to phone is better than email). You also lose the capacity to say “I never said that” later, if you want to make amends or deny acting crazy. When you write it all down, it’s not retractable.
Once a year we should all tally up the conflicts we’ve started or responded badly to. We should take time to evaluate if it was worth it or if we just didn’t give ourselves time to calm down before pounding out a pissed off email or swearing at some one’s voicemail. That way, if and when we apologize, we can do so with intention of not making the same mistake twice. That’s the only apology that counts, and it’s the hardest to give with sincerity.
**editor’s note: Poor Lucky Me asks that you not assume this essay is about YOU
I can accept that the above post was not about YOU, but I can’t shake the feeling that it is about ME!?!
Well, in a way it’s about all of you.