How Test Taking Improved My Self Esteem (for once)

I’ve been terrified of internet tests since I took an IQ test that put me somewhere between Forrest Gump and Cookie Monster.

However, recently my astute and dear friend piqued my interest while talking about the results of the Meyers & Briggs test she took through work. She suggested I find the test on the internet so we could compare results.

I was afraid, but willing to do anything to avoid several work assignments I had been putting off. My friend assured me that I would not be required to predict where holes would appear if punched into a piece of paper, and directed me to a decently reliable version of the test. found here

Although I was bored almost immediately and found it tedious to read each question, I was able to complete the exam in a timely fashion.  The test writers must have known how difficult it is for smart, clever people like me to follow through on anything, because I was still awarded the coveted ENFJ personality type.

My boredom faded away as I started reading about myself.  The results are like reading your horoscope, but much more sciencey and therefore induces less eye rolls at work functions.

Here is the explanation of the glorious ENFJ results:
Warm, empathetic, responsive, and responsible. Highly attuned to the emotions, needs, and motivations of others. Find potential in everyone, want to help others fulfill their potential. May act as catalysts for individual and group growth. Loyal, responsive to praise and criticism. Sociable, facilitate others in a group, and provide inspiring leadership.

Fascinating!  There was no mention of my awful spelling skills, hypersensitivity, foot odor, laziness, frequent tearful outbursts or habit of calling 911 when I’m drunk and lonely.

Apparently I’m much much much more of a useful and important person than I thought I was. I mean I knew I was great, but inspiring leadership?

Of course it all makes sense when I think back to my involvement in student government in the 7th grade.  I may have to revisit my “starting a cult” notebook and put away my “ideas on how to quit my job and live under a bridge” notebook.

I will probably start writing more inspirational memos to my coworkers.  Do they even know what a catalyst I can be for group growth?  It’s ridiculous that I’m expected to go to meetings with the other office turds when I am so highly in tune with the emotions and needs of others.

I will contest several parking tests based on these tests results, and will no longer sit idly by while the girl who works in the sandwich shop gives me sub-par slices of cheese.

I am an ENFJ goddamnit, and I demand preferential treatment! Also, let’s rap for a few minutes on how you can reach your potential, friend.