Cash-For-Clunkers Bill?

I like reading the news, but due to my impressively short attention span I can’t always make sense of the more complicated reports. For instance, during my taco lunch, I read the following headline: “Obama, law makers agree on cash for clunkers bill”

 

I put down my taco.

 

“Gosh” I thought “that headline makes it sound like the government is going to give cash incentives for people to turn in their fuel-inefficient cars for new ones.”  But that couldn’t be, so I thought I’d try to read the whole article.

 

Before I go on, I want to explain something to you people.  I love Obama too, ok?  I voted for him, I went to the rally at Grant Park on election night and held hands and swayed and cried with strangers.  I felt like this country was going to be ok because we beat the freaks. 

 

But I’m not amnesic about the American political system.  I know that if Obama was truly a golden boy with nothing to hide, he wouldn’t have made it so high up in the Democratic party.  Politicians aren’t created in a vacuum; they have to claw their way to the top like everyone else.

 

All that being said, I’ve become incredibly cynical about this god damn stupid bail out.  Mostly I don’t understand it, also I’ve been really bored lately and like having something reliable to bitch about, and finally I just don’t trust that in the end the rich people won’t still be wicked rich and regular people won’t still dream about being slutty enough to audition for the Rock of Love Bus.

 

I was able to read several paragraphs of the Cash For Clunkers article.  It seems that the government is planning to offer $4500 vouchers for people to trade in their old cars for new fuel efficient cars.

 

Am I dumber than I thought, or is this a major set up up for unintended consequences?  The plan is for people to basically throw their old cars in the garbage and go into further debt to buy shiny new ones?  I like shiny things too, I just don’t understand what will happen if this plan works and we’re left with countless old cars?  Do they go in a dumpster, or are they made into faux coral reefs?

 

Look I don’t claim to know very much, but I think it’s safe to say that throwing away your old stuff and buying new stuff isn’t going to help the environment, isn’t going to help your credit rating, and probably won’t do much to prop up what is obviously a drowning industry. 

 

I can’t offer any ideas, but I’ve got the lion’s share of swear words to describe this stimulus package f*ckery. Not that I really understand very much of it.  But I really hope I’m wrong, and that Cash for Clunkers is a great idea.

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Comments

  1. Mr. G says:

    I’ve had 8 DUIs in the last 10 years. Do you think I can still trade in my car if it has a built in breathalyzer?

    • Poor Lucky Me says:

      I do think you can still trade your car in, but again, I only read the one article. So although I’m very very smart, I don’t know all the ins and outs of the legislation. A new car may not protect you from your dumbass-self though. Keep that in mind.

  2. Chuck says:

    Did it say how “old” a car has to be to qualify? And will they pay off my remaining car loan and give me $4,500? Like, I bought a car last November when gas was like $19 bucks an ounce and paid way over sticker on this hybrid.
    But it’s zero to sixty is like a day, and now that gas is down to less than a packet of smokes – like a lot less- I’m thinking I don’t really need it any more. I can get something that sounds sweet. That’s the thing with hybrids they don’t tell you. Too damn quiet.

    So if the government will pay off the loan, the $4500 will cover the “fee” I paid the guy on eBay to buy his place in line for the car.

    So, was any of this covered in the article? Thanks. You’re a lifesaver.

    • Poor Lucky Me says:

      Wait, were they measuring gas in ounces in November? I don’t remember that, but I did have a ton going on that month. It may have just like slipped my brain, you know? It’s like when I freaked out because I noticed that all the quarters had become novelty coins- like they were little advertisements for each state? It was so weird, but all my friends thought it was disturbing that I hadn’t noticed or read any of the news about it. The point is, the article inconveniently didn’t cover any of the schemes that the average person could use to manipulate the new system. Good Luck!

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