This weekend I departed from my usual routine and watched a movie made for adults. Not an “adult movie”, but a movie intended for audiences over the age of 15.
I chose The Curious Case of Benjamin Buttons because I read the book in high school and felt confident that I could get through the movie version with some booze and the ability to pause and nap if necessary.
It turned out that frequent breaks were very necessary. I don’t know who’s idea it was to make the movie almost 3 hours long but by god it almost killed me. Here’s an idea for cinematic efficiency: TALK AT A NORMAL PACE. Apparently Benjamin’s curious life only featured people who speak like they’re teaching a diction class to ESL students.
In addition to being tear-jerkingly long and carefully pronounced, the movie was also very dark. I mean the scenes were colored in a Dracula-esque way that annoyed and depressed me at the same time. Three hours of staring at a dark brown, dark blue, and dark green screen made me want switch from vodka to Oxycontin. My tongue lolled out of my mouth for the entire second half of the film. I didn’t have the energy to lift my head up off the couch. I sobbed from boredom.
Interestingly, the script was a big departure from the F. Scott Fitzgerald novella. It seemed to be a crappier, boring version of the book The Confessions of Max Tivoli by Andrew Sean Greer. Both books are well worth a read and don’t make one want to throw shoes at the television or knock oneself unconscious to avoid one more minute of an indulgent Hollywood barf bag.
All in all I learned a lot. A) I much prefer 90 minute ‘tween romances, or young adult adventure/romance/comedies. B) Movies based on books suck C) Sophisticated CGI can make a baby look like an old man, but can’t make a shitfest into a worthwhile film to watch.
For a grown up movie, I’d give it 5 out of 10 stars. If Amanda Bynes had been the female lead, I would have given it 8 out of 10 stars.
I don’t even know if I liked that movie or not, but I was told by the guy who sits next to me that I talk in my sleep.
Do you murmur “this is an over-hyped movie, this is an over-hyped movie”?
Only black people like this movie. I’m not racist.
I don’t know if you’re racist or not, but I know several white people who loved this movie. In fact, I only know of white people liking this movie. My Asian, South Pacific Island, and Native American friends hated it.