If you assumed your whole adult life that you would just be sort of a loser- a malcontent, a napper, an open-mouthed breather- then suddenly realizing you’ve had some success can be very unsettling.
I feel like one minute I was doing an army crawl on the floor of my office to sneak out early, and the next thing I knew I was getting my own clients.
How could this have happened? What are the implications of success on my lovable-loser personality? Maybe I’ll become very serious and abandon the tee shirts and sneakers for business suits and pork pie hats. Or bowler hats. Even fedoras.
The point is, I’ve never even imagined this happening to me, so I don’t have a fear/fantasy reference point. I never made a vision board or a scrapbook of what my life would look like if I didn’t spend most of the day watching reality tv and combining different kinds of pretzels with different kinds of cheese. Soft and nacho are the best, but rods and port wine are a close second.
I did turn down a few promotions and fail several certification tests to avoid this very situation. And it’s not just work; I’m succeeding in my personal relationships and in my creative endeavors.
Oh woe is me. What will I do? My identity is on the line, and I’m out of options to sabotage myself.
What if I just have to be happy and content and enjoy life? I wonder if I can manage. I’ll have a lot of free time if I’m not bitching about stuff all the time.
