Theater Etiquette – Wednesday June 17

seats1 Dear Poor Lucky Me,


I have been to several movies where people (assholes) come in late to the movie and then ask other people to move around so the late people can sit with their whole posse in one big happy group.


Am I crazy to think this is ludicrous behavior on two fronts: First, why do you HAVE to sit next to your friends during a movie?  Isn’t the point of going to a movie to focus on the movie and pay attention to the action on the screen?  Why is a solo theater excursion frowned upon socially?


And second, how big of an asshole do you have to be to come late to a movie and then ask people who are seated and comfortable to move around so you can sit with your group?  Really, show up 15 minutes earlier and everyone in your group can sit together and not talk to one another the whole movie.


Wait…A third and related question is -why don’t more people tell the groups coming in late and asking people to move to “Eff off”?  Shouldn’t this sort of rude behavior demand some kind of social shame and ridicule?


Please help,
Theater Fury


Dear Theater Fury,


Uh oh.  I’m one of those people who asks people to move over so I can sit with my companions.  There are several reasons why I remain unapologetic about this behavior.


1. Why do people have to leave single seats between them and the next group?  Science has definitively proven that cooties do not exist.  Annoyingness is a real threat, but one seat between you and a loudmouth isn’t going to do much.  So, I politely ask that you move over so we can all press against each other in the dark.


2. I need to sit next to my companion so I can make witty remarks about the movie.  I guess we could sit apart, but I’ll still need to make the remarks and then I’d have to engage my stage whisper.  I think the stage whisper is very charming, but a few people have told me otherwise.
I would go to the movies by myself, but I’d still have to make hilarious comments. Most people would probably feel like their movie experience was enhanced, but some jerks shush funny talented good looking people who do comedy routines during a movie.


3. It’s impossible for people with highly functioning brains to sit through thirty minutes of previews and still remember or give a crap about what movie they came to see in the first place.  Therefore, some people cannot get to the theater until thirty minutes after the posted showtime.  If you can tough it out and get there on time, I commend you and think you should be rewarded.  I just can’t do it.  Sometimes I watch the previews, zone out, and by the time I am able to focus again the movie is over.  That’s not fair!  So, I’ve got to come late and ask you to move the hell over.


While I think your complaints are righteous and valid, I hope that you can develop a little empathy for people like me.  We don’t mean to bother you, we just have some issues. 


And to answer your third question; yes, you can shame and ridicule us, but when you come into Garrett’s popcorn and don’t know if you want Cheese, Caramel, Butter or a mix of all three- don’t expect me to be all patient in line behind you.


Poor Lucky Me

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