The Diversity of Douche Bags – Monday July 20

I commend your sensitivity and desire to explore your reactions to different images in the media. You may rest easy knowing that douche-baggery spans all races and religions.

I don’t exactly know what Tiger Wood’s problem is- I would think that dominating the entire sport of golf would provide him with plenty of self-esteem, money, and attention. Apparently, the glory is not enough to keep him from being a spokesperson for tons of stupid crap.

I can’t relate since every time I manage to put a stamp on an envelope and mail it I go out for a celebratory dinner. One time I found a clean pair of jeans in my drawer and took the day off from work as a reward. If I won any kind of accolades in any sport I would probably immediately retire and eat and drink until I qualified for bariatric living products. I certainly wouldn’t spend my free time hawking watches and minivans.

I have a weird feeling that Tiger Woods isn’t a real person. Sometimes he looks like a robot or a computer generated composite of what a wholesome athlete/celebrity should look like. How DOES he balance that razor on his finger? I’ve only seen magicians pull stuff like that off. Maybe he’s not a douche bag at all, maybe he’s wizard.