Dear Poor Lucky Me,
Maybe it’s time I took a look at what it would take for me to grow up. I’m an only child and the apple of my mother’s eye. She has agreed to let me set up an apartment in my parent’s basement, despite my father’s loud disapproval.
Although I very much enjoy my lifestyle, I feel bad putting a strain on my parent’s relationship. Also I can’t seem to get any ladies to come home with me, which is weird because there is a pool table and a flat screen tv down here.
So, I know I need a job…but what job? And where do I find one? And what else to I have to do?
Signed,
A Virgin Underground
Congratulations on your decision to fly the coop. Bravo. No amount of free rent and mother’s cooking can make your wang feel ok after decades of not getting worked on. You didn’t mention how old you were, which makes me assume you are way past the age where it’s normal to live in one’s parent’s basement.
The first thing you need to do is put together a resume. Enlist your father’s help- it will give him such a thrill to know you are at least trying to try and get out of his house.
Next, you have to lower your expectations for your future title, level of glamor, salary, amount of respect you’ll get from your bosses and peers, amount of time off you’ll get, size of your office, and potential to move up in the company. Now you’re ready to hit the pavement!
Tell everyone you know that you’re ready to work hard and put the time in to make something of yourself. It doesn’t matter if your bullshitting, people appreciate you saying it. Scour the want ads in your local paper as well as in Craigslist, but be wary of potential pyramid schemes or modeling gigs where they start by taking normal photos but then make you take your top off.
Try and roll play some interview scenarios, because eventually you’ll get some responses from your resume. It will take a lot of work and persistence, but keep your goals in mind and I know you can do it!
Sincerely,
Dear A.V.D.,
Poor Lucky Me
