Dear Poor Lucky Me,
I’m newly single after a long and stupid relationship. Dating comes pretty naturally to me and I enjoy meeting new people. The problem is, when you date a lot, you have to let people down a lot. And I hate that.
I don’t want to be one of those guys who just never calls a girl again and increases her already prominent insecurities. But I’m also not going to go on a second date with some one I’m not interested in.
What is the best way to let someone down with honesty, integrity and sensitivity?
Signed,
I admire your desire to operate with honesty and integrity. The media wants us all to believe that everyone is a scumbag and a liar, but that’s just not true. Look at you. You want to treat people with respect, even if you don’t like them. I’m impressed.
Some people would tell you to be really honest, and say something like: I just don’t feel like there is chemistry between us- or -I’m not ready to just date one girl right now. Those might seem like the right thing to say, but there is actually a lot of room for interpretation in honest statements. It’s counter-intuitive, but so is dating.
I think you should say- “I really enjoyed our time together but I realized I’m just not over my last relationship. It wouldn’t be fair to you if I wasn’t honest and I don’t want to waste your time. I hope you can respect that.”
The problem is that no matter what you say other than you’re not over your last girlfriend- the person is going to fall back on their usual insecurities. Some annoying girls think that the problem is that they’re fat. Some boring girls think that the problem is that they’re fat. Fatness is much less of a problem than vapid personalities or nonexistent social skills.
But you’re not here to change the world. You just want to let people down easy.
Sincerely,
Dating in Denver
Dear Dating,
Poor Lucky Me
