Seeking A Way Out of A Sucky Job – Wednesday November 18

2864352010_ba399a70511Dear Poor Lucky Me,


There’s a tipping point where your job sucks more than looking for a new job sucks. I’ve hit that point, and I’m starting the annoying, time-consuming crappy task of looking for a new gig. Resume, hair cut, pants without holes, shoes that match, sober for hours at a time, pretending to be an upstanding and productive member of society… It all just sucks.


I’ve heard that nepotism makes this whole process waaaay easier, but the problem is I’m not connected and have no Uncle / Parent / Second Cousin I used to sell weed to that I can call to get in somewhere good with little or no effort on my part. How can I get some of this nepotism stuff on my side?


Thanks in advance for your help,


No One Special


Dear No One Special,
Looking for a new job is the absolute worst job. If you’re lucky and still working you can send out a few resumes and a few phone calls everyday between writing personal emails and checking your Facebook page. If you’re not working, you might be able to send one resume a day between Judge Joe Brown, Judge Judy, and depression-inspired naps. Either way you can’t stop obsessing about it.


But since you’ve made the decision to look for a new job, committing to matching shoes and daytime sobriety is a great start. Exploiting nepotism is second only to trust funds in the “Ways My Parents Screwed Me” list that we all have tucked away in our back pockets. How dare they not think ahead and be sure to be related to some one who could help us get a sweet sweet government job. I’d like a job in the defense department, like the kid from Falcon and The Snowman. But I wouldn’t sell secrets to the Russians, obviously, since Putin and I have been enemies for like 6 years. We were on good terms until he stopped replying to my email requests for cash and jewels. He is so weird.


Anyway, the point is it never hurts to call all your relatives and tell them you’re looking for a new job because you really never know who has a connection. It’s important to get the word out and it makes you look like a go-getter. Maybe you’ll discover that your Uncle Phil is bowling buddies with the local postmaster general, then BOOM. You’re in.


Good Luck.


Poor Lucky Me

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  1. Megan says:

    I am really enjoying your blog! I am going to forward this one to my husband because I want him to start looking for a new job, and this post is full of fantastic advice.


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