Dear Poor Lucky Me,
I recently met some one from New Hampshire. I don’t know if this sounds ignorant, but I didn’t realize people actually lived there.
Have you ever been to New Hampshire? Can you tell me anything about it? I’d like to impress this fellow the next time we meet.
Yours Truly,
I’m from Iowa
I’ve never been to New Hampshire, but I’ve gotten close. According to a map I looked up on the internet- Massachusetts, Connecticut and Vermont are all very close to New Hampshire. So I’ve practically been there from a geographical standpoint. But culturally, I had to do some learning. Here are some essential facts to know about your Northern neighbor:
-The New Hampshire State motto is “Live Free or Die”. This is extremely bad-ass for a state motto.
-Tupperware was invented in New Hampshire in 1098 by Earl Tupper. Presumably he forced his wife to have parties and trick her friends into buying the plastic food storage bins.
-Pittsfield, New Hampshire made the Guinness Book of World Records by having the most people wear Groucho Marx glasses at the same time. This is a much more respectable way to get in the book then growing out your finger or toe nails. Also, I’m creeped out by the tattoo and piercing guys.
These are obviously really impressive facts. They show that you know people live there, are politically passionate, wear Groucho Marx glasses constantly, and store their leftovers safely. That’s way more than what I know about the people of Canada.
Sincerely,
Dear I’m From Iowa,
Poor Lucky Me
I used to keep a large wall map in my office. When talking to someone from out of town on the phone I would casually name drop small towns and highways near the person I was speaking with — people thought I was brilliant. I would also put color-coded thumb tacks into places where I had taken a vacation or where a friend lives. People would ask me about the thumb tacks and I would tell them that it is part of a confidential project that I could not discuss. Maps rule!
I grew up in VT, which (as you may or may not know) is right next door to New Hampshire, so I can give you some valuable info to add to PLMs above impressive facts.
1) It’s chock full of rednecks. I know, so is Vermont, but not like these rednecks. NH necks don’t just shoot at roadsigns from the back of a moving pickup, they do it while blind drunk from the back seat of a sedan. In the middle of the back seat.
2) There are a lot of cute, way overpriced vacation towns that are jammed full of Boston yuppies every weekend from June to October. You can’t throw a perrier without hitting some douche in loafers named “Clifton” or “Brent.”
3) No motorcycle helmet law in NH. That’s always fun. So really, it should be “Live Free AND Die.”
4) Nice foliage, however negotiating the road during foliage season is like trying to swim through a pile of bricks. (see #2)
5) Awesome driving, great views. The Kankamagus Highway is a twisty, turny, extremely mountainous (yet for a mtn rd, rather wide) highway that cuts across the state. Great views. Also clogged by middle-aged men on Harleys with no helmets and guys named Brent.
As much as I hate to draw negative attention, my civic pride and duty force me to provide the following link: http://cbs2chicago.com/local/groucho.glasses.record.2.1143206.html
Chicago now holds the Guinness Record for Groucho glasses and noses. I’ve got love for NH but you have to give it up to Chicago on this one.