LIST – Monday March 8th


10 Reasons I’m Glad I Don’t Have to Eat Live Food, Like Wild Animals Do:


1. I’m a reluctant carnivore.


2. I’m a slow runner and even if guns are allowed I dislike loud noises.


3. I faint immediately at the sight of blood.


4. I’ve been known to gag viciously at the site of gristle on a steak.


5. Duck is the gamiest thing I’ve ever eaten. And it was at a country club. And I thought it was gross.


6. I find sushi gruesome.


7. Once I killed a spider in my bathroom and demanded my roommate wake up to attend the subsequent funeral. He now sleeps with his door locked.


8. What if I did succeed in running down a deer or a cow and then it turned around and kicked me with it’s hooves? Then I’ve hobbling around with a hoof kick to the gut? I’m sure I wouldn’t get workers comp for that.


9. I’m a picky eater. What if I murder a chicken and decide I’m more in the mood for grouse? Think of the potential carnage!


10. Eating live food would cut into my TV watching time.

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