Dear PLM:
I was fascinated by the recent volcanic ash cloud that skulked over Europe and beyond. Part of me was very jealous of the business travelers who were “trapped” in London on company expense accounts. I was also saddened by the stories of students and families who were stuck on their own dime while hotels jacked up rates. Shame on them.
Here is my question: If sophisticated jetliners weren’t able to fly, what are the implications of an ash cloud from a military perspective? I’m not sure if you have a jet pilot’s license, but I am curious.
If jet fighters can’t fly in an ash cloud, we should consider developing an ash cloud defense system. Simply create an ash cloud (maybe from Whitney Houston’s career) and sprinkle it over our enemy. They would be trapped in airports, forced to sleep on cots, and gouged by food and drink prices.
Am I brilliant or crazy?
Signed,
Former JROTC (Junior Reserve Officer’s Training Corps)
Dear Former JROTC,
While I do not have a jet pilot’s license, I do have a nose for good ideas and what you have is a damn good idea. Unfortunately I don’t know anyone of any actual importance who can help implement your incredible idea. Still, I urge you to make it your patriotic mission to take this to the top.
I’m talking about Jack Bauer top. I know what you’re thinking: ‘Isn’t this a little non-violent for Jack Bauer’s taste? And isn’t he about to get his ass cancelled anyway?” And yes, both things are true, but I just know that he’s the man who can reach across party lines and put an excellent idea into action. Well it’d be more like crushing party lines, or shooting party lines in the knee caps to make them talk. But you get the idea.
Of course we have to be concerned about setting off an arms race- or a weaponized ash cloud race. We build an ash cloud, China builds a more sophisticated ash cloud, Rush builds an aggressive ash cloud but can’t fund the upkeep…you get the idea. We’ll leave that to the Army to figure out though.
Sincerely,
Poor Lucky Me
