Some Things


You know what I think would really help? A shot of Seratonin. Do they have that? I’m too damn delicate to drink my way through this pain. I have three glasses of wine and have to pass out. How can you speed up the time without acting irresponsible? And how can you just sit and stew and live in the pain in sobriety. We’ve been trying to live in it I think, until it gets to be too much. And the amount we can handle depends on the day: it’s not getting steadily better.


I’m starting to feel like I’m not ready to see a therapist right now. We’ve been a few times and I just am not sure I’m ready to paw at my feelings…anymore than I am writing about them like this. So Tom is looking into support groups now. He’s right that we can’t do nothing.


We try and make plans about the future but one of us always ends up staring off into space after a while. I think it’s usually me but I’m not sure. I know I can’t talk as well as I can write about this. My friend Chris pointed out how lucky I am to have this outlet, which is true. Things have to come out of me (especially because I can’t really drink). I wonder if once all the things are finished coming out, I’ll be better.


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  1. Larisa says:

    melatonin at night, up to 5mg, will help you get a better night’s sleep, and activate more serotonin stimuli in your brain (available at walgreens). also b12 vitamins may help a lot – they are for de-stressing, in which a lot of stress, anxiety and depression, your body depletes this vitamin very rapidly. also there are certain essential oils that you can either wear as perfume, or like i do, put a couple of drops in a water fountain or humidifier/dehumidifier in the house to get the aroma flowing… basil oil helps with depression. bergamot and any other citrus seem to cheer me up/wake me up. lavendar oil helps sleep function.
    other than that, taking a pill or using some oil or vitamins, will not take away the pain – but to maintain a healthy lifestyle, meaning good sleep patterns, good wake patterns daily, the oils will help. it is a process and takes a long time to accept what happened. it is ok to grieve and feel this way. totally sucks, but it is ok. if you werent feeling this way, then that would be bothersome… tom’s idea of a support group is a great one – you will see you are not alone in this, others have gone through it too. not that that makes the situation any different, but at least you wont feel so alone.
    let me know if you need more info on homeopathic vitamins, supplements and aromatherapy. (btw i went to grammar school with tom).

  2. Sarah says:

    I know its not a cure-all, but sometimes I think a good sweat (workout) can help a lot in both getting out frustration/anger as well as adding endorphins into your system. If you incorporate it outside, you’ll get vitamin D thru the sun. I know you’re getting over surgery still but you may want to check with the doc to see how rigorously you could work out safely. I’ve found running to be really therapeutic. Yoga could be another thing. Boxing…there are so many things. It could, in a way also, help you down the path of making peace with your body, seeing yourself get stronger. A good workout can be very purging, not unsimilar to possibly how writing makes you feel. If you ever want to meet at the lake for a run or walk, I’d come! The support group is also a really good idea too. Talking to others who’ve gone thru similar tough times can be very consoling and help you not to feel so isolated in your grief. Thinking about you, my friend.

  3. Larisa says:

    an hour of yoga definitely is equal to a xanax for sure!

  4. Suzy says:

    My blog that I created the day after my boy died is what got me through. I swear to god it saved my life.
    So blog. Blog hard. Blog daily. Blog hourly. It does help.

  5. Bluestreak says:

    I think some Chinese medicine might help you feel a little better. Let them stick a few needles in you and give you some herbs to make a gross tasting tea. It works for me.

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