My Birthday

Today is my 32nd birthday. All I could think all weekend in anticipation is: “What am I supposed to do now?” I haven’t cried in days, and I’m afraid the raw pain is turning into something else. It’s panic.

 

When your idea of the future gets pulled out from under you, it’s hard to turn to what soothed you in the past. Things are too different now.

 

Yes, as it turns out Tom Sr and I are going to survive this. We are moving forward- sometimes it seems like we’re moving too fast. But I’ve got to find something. “Loss” is such a complete description when someone you love dies. I’m at a loss, I feel lost, I’ve lost my sense of control, I’m losing interest in the things that used to drive me.

 

So I’m going to give myself an assignment. I have to write everyday. I have to finish the art projects lying around my apartment. These two things I must commit to until August 30th. Then I’ll reevaluate. Maybe I’ll take singing lessons.

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Comments

  1. ( Aunt) Mary Ann says:

    When there is a terrible loss, people feel so sorry but then move on. Sometimes they expect you to move on when you are not ready. Don’t be too hard on yourself. Your sorrow will lessen in time but that doesn’t mean you will ever forget. You wll have happy birthdays again, someday. Thinking of you.

  2. Alison says:

    Happy Birthday, friend. Thinking of you.

  3. Leslie Ann says:

    Happy Birthday! Those two commitments seem like good ones!

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