Family Memories

It’s hard to cope with Tommy’s death when I haven’t really come to terms with the fact that I’m not pregnant anymore. I should be 30 weeks now. That’s still far far from August 25th, my due date. So sometimes I’m crying about just not being pregnant anymore. It’s all tied up together, but sometimes that sadness is very acute.

 

My newest coping method idea is to travel as much as possible to speed up the summer (the summer I imagined I’d be all fat and hugely pregnant and swollen and hot) and just face that due date head on. And by head on I mean taking the day off of work and lying in bed with my husband/ mom (they’ll probably have to take shifts) and crying.

 

Tom Sr and I were talking about our upcoming travel plans last night. We realized that we felt like a family very early on while I was pregnant. And all these adventures we had while I was pregnant were family memories. We feel like Tommy Jr was with us when we went to the Opera. He was surely the most appreciative and best behaved baby ever to see The Marriage of Figaro. And he came with me and my friend Robin on a business trip to Detroit, where he got a lot of attention. He and I also went to New York City with my boss, and had pizza with Unkie Kev. He helped mom work on her writing. We went as a family to visit Tommy’s Grandparents in Michigan for Easter. Tom Sr, Tommy Jr and I went to a spectacular wedding and we all danced together. We took a family trip to Florida and drove in a convertible and put our feet in the ocean and played mini golf. We even saw an armadillo.

 

I guess what I’m trying to say is that I realized the traveling doesn’t just have to be an escape. It’s just more family adventures. We are a family now, me Tom Sr and Tom Jr. And we’re going to make more family memories.

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Comments

  1. PLM.
    There is a world out there that awaits. It breathes you in and in a moment changes you forever. You never know where that change is going to come from. It may be the moment that the tears stop. It may be that gas station off of 69 before Lansing over slurpees and cheap beef jerkey that you come to terms with where life is headed and more importantly, where life has been. This world of ebb and flow. The neap tide of new beginnings. The delicate I love you given at 80 miles an hour as you see the sign that says Pure Michigan. Or maybe it’s traveling out on a Wednesday night for a blizzard and 30 minutes of city noise silence with the one you love that will set you back apace. Whatever it may be, it was great to see you this morning. Time passes. And much has happened. More than I will understand. And still, the light that is you, is still there. It was missed. You, were missed. Have a great weekend.

    Nathan

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