296 Words

I’m running out of things to write now. The days are all running together and I feel like I’m just waking up in the morning to go to bed at night. I’m so envious of people who know what they want out of life, even if they’re bullshitting it must be comforting to have a goal.


My goals so far: change the sheets once a week, go down a size in jeans, remember to wear my glasses. Not exactly a map to fame and fortune. And sadly, I do want a kind of fame. My middle brother said it best: the goal is to be famous to other famous people. I want AJ Jacobs and Matt Ruff to know who I am.


It’s sort of embarrassing to write that here- so publicly. As soon as I wrote it I wanted to back peddle: it’s just a fantasy or I know it’s not likely or something shitty like that. But it’s just the truth. And I’m supposed to be learning how to be true to myself and what I want. So maybe a good step is to admit what I want, even if it makes me shrivel a little.


I must be going through a phase, because I hate everything I write now. I’m going to publish this anyway, but god I hate almost every sentence. What a bunch of drivel. What the hell happened? I used to sit at the keyboard and not be able to contain myself. It felt like I was pouring words out of my fingers. Now I type three words, roll my eyes, delete them, get frustrated, and berate myself for losing the thing I needed to hang on to so badly.


What the hell happened?


I’m afraid of what I might need.

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  1. britt says:

    you need an ipad next to your toilet instead of magazines. now that’s what i want to see when i come over next. a true upgrade in bathroom reading. DO IT

  2. You need to start somewhere. So, do just that. Start somewhere. Stop writing knowing that you are going to be read. Stop writing for an audience. Just write. Get all of it out. The scary thoughts. The illicit thoughts. The thoughts that you shouldn’t be sharing with an audience. You’re a writer. Write. When you start to judge yourself as you write, that’s when it declines. We both. We all know how talented you are. That’s why I read all of it and try to lend an inspirational hand once in a while. Because I am selfish. I want to read more. So write. Right?

  3. Frank Grimes says:

    Here Here!

  4. Paidtoreadtheinternet says:

    I think your writing lately is extremely compelling. Mabye its totally different than before, but its still really good, in my opinion.

  5. Catherine W says:

    I like your writing a lot. The stuff you wrote before and the stuff you’re writing now.

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