It’s Not A Sign

Everyday I touch my incision and think “this is where they took my baby out of my body”. I feel like a f-cking Frida Kahlo painting. After I wrote that, I stared at the sentence for a few minutes and thought about my thick pregnancy hair and eyebrows and tried to stop myself from thinking about signs. I keep thinking so many things are or were a sign…except I don’t believe in signs. Except I saw a Frida Kahlo exhibit in Minneapolis a couple of years ago and when I recently read The Lacuna I spent five nights in a row looking up Frida Kahlo and Diego Rivera on the internet. It’s not a sign, I know it’s not a sign. But only because I don’t believe in signs, otherwise I’d probably think it was a sign.


Sometimes I reread my posts here and think I’m a self-indulgent turd. Other times I am so glad I’m writing like this. Most times I miss writing funny stuff. I just can’t really get there yet I guess. I still laugh a lot, it’s not like I spend all day moping around and sobbing. Not all day every day anyways.


If I do end up childless* like Frida Kahlo I hope I am also inspired to create something like she did. It doesn’t have to be something as important or huge as her body of work…but it’d be nice if it was.



* After I published this, a friend emailed me that I was already a mother. She is completely right, and I don’t take that for granted. I just meant childless as in no children in my arms, no children to watch grow and learn. Tommy Jr is my child and always will be, but I hope someday to have a baby at home with us too.

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  1. Catherine W says:

    Ha ha! I often read my whole blog and think I’m a self-indulgent turd. But my blog is all about me, me, me and I guess I don’t really care about my own probable turdiness?

    I think I can see why it is tempting to see a sign in the Frida Kahlo connection. But I don’t believe in signs either otherwise I’d agree with you that it was a sign.

    You are a mother to Tommy already and I hope that one day you will have a baby at home with you too.

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