Miracles

When Tommy Jr died and Tom Sr and I went to the psychic she gave us a lot of comfort. One of the things she said was that his spirit was strong, and that I’d feel him close to me. At first, I did feel him. When I couldn’t sleep, or when I cried in the shower, his presence gave me great comfort.

But then at some point he went away. I can’t say when it happened but suddenly I felt even more hollow and lonely. I thought I was doing something wrong- like I wasn’t making myself available to him. So I kept thinking about him and asking for his help with a couple things only a baby in heaven could affect.

Last week was especially hard. Maybe it was coming down after a great trip, or thinking about my due date speeding toward me, or any number of other things that piled on top of my sadness. Then on Friday, I couldn’t help but take inventory of the miracles that have happened in our lives since Tommy came and went. Some things I asked for, other things I was afraid to ask for, and a few things I never knew could happen.

Finally I felt my son near me again. I don’t know if he helped orchestrate some miracles to wake me up and make me realize that he never left me. But it feels that way. I feel so much safer today.

I never thought I’d be the kind of person who needed to believe in angels. It turns out that when you’ve got an angel looking after you, it doesn’t matter if you want to believe or not- they’re going to be there either way.