I feel like I’ve been shrink-wrapped and vacuum-packed. I’m utterly stuck. Even when I come here to write I feel like I’m just writing the same thing over and over again. When is something going to happen? Do I have to rely on myself to break out of this rut? Do I have to try and get published, get serious about my diet, finish unpacking my apartment?
I think I already know the answer. But I’m so afraid to try. I was afraid to try at things before this all happened, now I would say I’m bordering phobic. Trying can lead to failing. See, it’s very simple logic. Trying can also lead to success, but I’m not a big gambler. However, I think I’m finally reaching the point, in my life and in my grief, that the prospect of more running in circles is scarier than the prospect of failing.
So today I’m going to take one foot off the edge, and dangle it over the canyon. I’m going to send some writing out, and see what happens. Maybe there’s nothing to be afraid of now, since the worst has already happened.
As stated in “Wear Suncreen”, ‘Do one thing every day that scares you’. I know there’s a lot that scares you, so maybe change it to ‘Do one thing every day that scares you THE MOST!’.
Ah honey if you find the cure to un-shrinkwrap yourself, let me know. I feel like I’ve been in stasis for two years now.
Take a deep breath and take the plunge. Be braver than I am, and let me live vicariously through you
Way to go! Yes, you’ve already faced the worst, so now you have nothing to be afraid of. If all we try are those things that are ‘safe’ and definitely achievable, have we truly pushed ourselves to be all that we could? Or have we settled for what is easy…… Someone once told me, “The most difficult things in life tend to be the ones most worth trying & doing.” That said, I, too, find it hard to take a first step. But you take one step, plan the next. Next day, next step and soon, you’re walking. At the very least, it helps you figure out which path you want to be on, as opposed to just where you end up…….
Marilyn