I was able to get a three hour nap in on Sunday. Three and a half hours if you count the time after I woke up and just started at the wall for a while. I didn’t write a word all weekend. I was too busy aimlessly worrying.
Having Tom in law school- especially as he approaches finals- gives me a lot to worry about by proxy. Then I can worry about hurting our families’ feelings if we don’t go to Christmas, I can worry about my job, my dog’s rickety hip, my finances, how cold it’s about to be, and my failing attempt at writing a book. All that before I even have to get to baby-making-worries. So pretty nice, I’ve got a pretty full worry agenda.
I’m thinking about taking a break from therapy, because there are only so many weeks I feel like I can go there and say “I’m worried I’m worried I’m worried” while refusing to do anything (other then exercise) to alleviate my anxiety. I mean anything healthy. I do several unhealthy things to get through each day.
Speaking of unhealthy things, Tom and I went to a well-deserved dinner at Ron of Japan last night. We ate until we broke out in hot sweats, then decided to walk home. We had a leisurely stroll along Michigan Ave, and Tom stopped me under a streetlight. I thought he’d tell me how pretty I look in the light of the street lamp (that’s my favorite compliment he gives- “this is such a great light for you”. Instead he said “On no honey! I think you might have gotten a little burn from the hibachi grill!” His wide eyed innocence was so endearing I almost didn’t have the heart to reveal the true culprit of my red face. But I couldn’t leave him there worrying that I had sustained 2nd degree burns from the steam of the egg sauce.
“It’s ok dearheart” I replied. “I’m just drunk”. Oh we laughed and laughed and laughed and walked the rest of the way home a little more slowly.
I laughed out loud and then I really wanted Hibachi steak.
Don’t worry about hurting your family’s feelings. I think they will understand if you go away.