2ww – Monday April 4th

No offense to Einstein, but I don’t think a genius was necessary to discover that time is relative. I mean, I know he did that math equation- I couldn’t have done that- but the concept is obvious. Admitting it can be hard though, especially when you know the only thing that will help you in most situations is time. The slow, tortuous kind.

 

The two week wait. If you’re tried to get pregnant before or you read fertility/baby blogs you’re already familiar with the 2ww. It’s a long long two weeks. It’s a span of time that crawls by, dividing your hours into little dog-crap-bags of minutes. It’s the time between when you last ovulated and when you get your period. Or don’t get your period, and instead get a little pink plus sign in a bed of white plastic that takes your breath away.

 

The two week wait is when everything is a sign: I can smell the printer ink in our office, I knew Tom ate french fries in the car five hours before he picked me up, I’m suddenly not interested in drinking. I go to Whole Foods and buy all natural shampoo and conditioner and a ton of fruit….just in case.

 

Also relative to time: money disasters. When I was in my early 20′s my money disasters were things like $50 parking ticket and the unexpected $120 heating bill. I remember having to call my brother to loan me money to get my car out of impound- it’s was $180 and there was no way I could pay it. In my late 20′s the disasters got more expensive: $500 at the emergency vet, $650 to get my car fixed. Tom and I got a credit card with a $500 balance to help keep our head above water. When my 30′s burst onto the scene they brought much scarier bills. $2000 to the IRS, $2400 for dog surgery. Our credit limit got higher but I’m more paranoid about using it.

 

I almost bought a stress meter the other day. I saw it in a magazine; it measures the temperature of your finger and I guess that means something about your stress level. I imagined keeping it in my pocket and using it obsessively until I because so overwhelmed by the stress that my stress was putting me through that my head exploded. So I decided not to buy it. Plus when I really thought about it I realized that your body is actually it’s own stress meter so it’s sort of stupid.

 

Has it been two weeks yet?

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Comments

  1. Kelly says:

    You SLAY me! I love how you write. “dividing your hours into little dog-crap-bags of minutes.” Brilliant! And I know Tom’s gonna get you pregnant like ten mother-fuckers*.

    *hillbilly expression

  2. Leslie Ann says:

    “little dog-crap-bags of minutes” – LOVE IT!!!! I know the 2ww very well. ~o~o~o~o~o do your job little spermies!!!

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