I’m Sunshine- Monday May 2nd

It makes me feel very pretty to have loads of gray hair and acne. It indicates that I am at once old and wise and youthfully bubbly. It’s like being the chubbiest person at the gym. I think it shows that I am jolly and unencumbered by societies standards yet dedicated to my health and fitness.

Today I was working out with kettle bells and a personal trainer stopped by to compliment my form. At first I felt so proud of myself, then I wondered if he said that because he didn’t expect a size 14er to be so agile. Because I am hella agile. I know it’s not cool to say “hella” anymore, I said it to be funny. The point is that I’m an enigma. Or like a superhero, but with no powers or waist. I can run a 14 minute mile though.

Tom is in the middle of preparing for his second round of finals. I don’t really know how it’s going. I want to ask but I’m so busy worrying about what I’ll eat and where I’ll walk the dog and how little laundry I can do and still look like I’m wearing clean clothes that by the time he gets home I’m exhausted. Taking care of me is a huge job, I don’t know how Tom manages.

It’s not just the constant demand to open windows, close windows, turn on the heat, now it’s too hot…although that is a really annoying thing I do. It’s also the incredible amount of attention I need. Jokes have to be laughed at, political rants must be agreed with (or else), long descriptions of things I saw on facebook or a blog or youtube have to be met with enthusiasm and remembered for when they’re referenced the next day. Being by myself reminds me what a wonderful husband I have.

I know Tom worries about me being alone, especially right now. We’re getting closer and closer to Tommy Jr’s birthday. My brother’s new baby made me incredible happy and proud…and wistful. Wistful is a nice way of saying jealous. Being jealous makes me feel like a complete jag-off. Luckily, because I’m an enigma, I can be a little jealous and wildly, insanely happy.