P.H.R. – Friday July 29th

P.H.R. or Pregnancy Hormone Rage is a very real problem affecting pregnant women all over the world. I am in the process of conducting the first study on this important topic, and using myself as the subject. I assume it’s the first study, but haven’t really checked for others because I’m super busy taking on-line IQ tests.

Recently Tom G and I had dinner with friends. Because Tom is the most even-tempered, cool headed, respectful, awesome person on earth, he can have friends with radically different political views. He can have political discussions with these friends and engage intellectually and with utter courtesy. Even when things sound heated, or I catch him rolling his eyes, you can tell that he’s just enjoying being with people and having good conversation. Tom and I have so much in common, but we are not alike.

I have had friends with opposite political views, and unless we agree to a cage match to the death- we have to agree to never ever discuss politics. For example: I once almost lost a job because I couldn’t stop bickering with the Jehovah’s witness who sat next to me. I swear she was baiting me all the time, making offensive declarations and watching my reaction with glee. Eventually we were separated and vowed not to let myself be manipulated like that again.

So, at dinner the other night, everything was going along nicely until I was gripped by PHR. The friend and I started out talking about a political subject, then he referenced a concept that drives me crazy in my regular life (Entitlement Programs) and I snapped. I suddenly felt like I was sitting at another table, watching myself sneer and roll my eyes and say horribly disrespectful things TO MY FRIEND. Over some dumb political argument. And I couldn’t’ stop myself. Our friend was too polite to point out that I was being completely rude and nasty and he couldn’t have gotten a word in edgewise anyway, because I was doing a monologue of ranting.

I was so embarrassed by the way I was acting while I was acting that way. I kept thinking SHUT UP SHUT UP to myself, but I wouldn’t shut up. In fact, it wasn’t until Tom G said he was going to leave the table if I didn’t cut it out that I finally felt like some one had pulled out my crazy plug.

My heart raced for another hour- long after we had moved on to more gentile subjects. On the way home I apologized to Tom and told him I was so ashamed of myself. Until he told me that he thought I didn’t understand what our friend was arguing. To a woman suffering from PHR, that sounded like he was agreeing with our friend. And I went crazy all over again.

In the end of course, everything was fine. No one suffered permanent damage and I will now try and remove myself from a situation that might trigger PHR. Please, be sensitive of your loved ones who suffer from this affliction. Imagine your pregnant friends are delicate, sensitive 15 year olds, because that’s kind of how it feels. Every minor inconvenience or disagreement feels like you got blown off at the Sadie Hawkin’s Dance all over again.