I Used It So Much I Broke It – Friday September 30th

As previously and frequently mentioned, I am pretty obsessive about my worries. Sometimes I even surprise myself at the tenacity of my fretting. My dentist just commented on the grinding marks on my teeth, and I usually can’t sleep more than 3 hours at a time without waking up and worrying.

Recently though- like in the past two weeks- I’ve worried just a little bit less. As I reach the 30 week mark, I feel less crazed about every pang. Now I worry about the regular stuff (holy crap what am I doing, I don’t even know how to change a diaper, we never went to South America, etc) that pre-moms worry about. Suddenly I’m able to recall the soothing pieces of advice and predictions that my psychic gave me several months ago. She said that I won’t be able to rush the big changes that are on my horizon. That no matter how hard I try to push forward, things will progress at their own pace. I can’t worry constantly about something if in the back of my little brain I actually trust that everything is going to be ok.

One of the girls in our support group told us this would happen. She said it’s like you just get so tired of worrying that you give up and let yourself have a good time.

Just a couple weeks ago I heard myself laughing, and it sounded really genuine. Really like myself. I still feel choked a lot by my sadness, but I think I broke my worrying bone. It’s more of a hairline fracture. I can still use it, but I have to move it gingerly now.

It’s also hard to worry because I’m so busy pawing at my own thick luxurious hair. I stare at it in the mirror a lot, and
pet it creepily. I don’t mean to, but my hands have a mind of their own. Sometimes when I’m driving I pretend that I’m looking in the review mirror but I’m really looking at my hair. So, maybe I’m just calmer because my hair looks awesome.

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  1. Leslie Ann says:

    Nice to know about the luxurious hair! Did you post a pic of it anywhere? HUGS!!!

  2. Suzy says:

    Yeah it must be the hair :)
    I think you do reach a certain point where all the worries sort of implode on themselves and you realise you have NO CONTROL WHATSOEVER and that calms you down…for a minute. (or is that just me?)
    Enjoy your minute :)

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