One More – Tuesday September 20th

Every week a nurse comes to my office to give me a shot of Progesterone (I get the P17 shot), check my vitals and check the baby’s vitals. It’s a nice 15 minutes where I get to purge all my worries and chit chat about my various body functions with someone who is both interested and soothing. Yesterday we were sitting in an empty room at work listening to the baby’s heart beat, and I heard something.

Or more accurately, I didn’t hear something.

I looked at my nurse but she wouldn’t meet my eyes. I didn’t hear it again. The baby had skipped two heart beats. “Did you hear that?” I finally asked.

“Yes, I heard it. It’s very common and usually something that corrects itself upon delivery” she replied, almost TOO calm. “I don’t want you to worry too much, but I’m going to call your doctor and let him know.” She took away the sonogram and wiped the clear gel from my belly.

“Ok, I won’t worry. I’m really too busy about the baby staying in to cook long enough. I don’t have the mental capacity to worry about her little heart too.” I gave a hollow sounding bark of a laugh.

“Good. Okay. I’ll call your doc, he might have you come in to monitor the heartbeat or do an ultrasound of the heart, but really this is very very common.” She started packing up her things in earnest and I tried out my new mantra:
I’m not worrying. I’m not worrying.

I called my support system of women who would make sure I did the right thing: My mother, my sister in law, and my best friend. The followed my lead and acted calm, but I could sense the concern in their voices. All three gently insisted I go see the doctor, all three would hold me to it. They knew that I’d try and make light of the situation. It’s been easier keep my head buried in the sand than to consider the possibilities of disasters.

About 15 minutes after she left my doctor’s office called. I told them that while I wasn’t worried, but I had already told my mother that we heard two dropped heartbeats. The nurse laughed and said “well we better bring you in to give your mother some peace of mind!”

We scheduled a non-stress test for that afternoon (a non-invasive test to monitor the baby’s movement, heartbeat, etc). Then, I started worrying. After a few more minutes I started WORRYING. I worried about my job, my family, my husband, my child, my friends…I worried that more bad news would destroy them all over again. I worried about that little sweet girl growing inside of me, maybe in pain, maybe scared.

The test was a cinch. They just hooked a monitor up to my belly and listened to the baby for an hour. They didn’t observe anymore abnormalities and sent me home until my next appointment. In celebration, baby girl spent the afternoon and evening marching back and forth in my belly.

I laid awake in bed with my hands over my stomach feeling her roll and pitch like a little boat in the sea. I was so grateful for another day. One more day with her cooking safely inside of me. One more day closer to meeting this precious person.

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  1. Vel says:

    What a beautiful celebration march! Think of you often. I should let you know more often…

  2. Me says:

    She’s causing trouble already. I’m glad everything is OK.

  3. Nurse-friend says:

    Wow, a baby girl! I haven’t visited your site in so long and I am so happy to read that you are both/all thriving! I have to tell you, as a labor nurse, there have been more instances that I can count where the Pediatric team is at a delivery for an arrhythmia noted inutero and then it is completely gone once the baby is born and they don’t even take the baby to the NICU. Occasionally the baby goes to NICU for a 24hr halter monitor for observation. Seriously, listen to those telling you not to worry. What a wonderful mom you are.

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