Nose Fat – Monday October 24th

So far I’ve gained about 25 pounds during this pregnancy. That’s a lot of weight for a petite person. At first, the fat went normal places: butt, face, back, boobs, arms, legs, neck. Then I ran out of room to store it. Now the fat is being deposited in very strange places: fingers, toes, forearms, elbows. I am pretending not to panic about getting rid of it all, especially now that my diabetes diagnosis makes it mandatory to get slimmer than I was pre-pregnancy.

This morning I slumped in the passenger seat while Tom drove me to work and put the visor down to block out the hard autumn sunlight. I looked at myself in the mirror and gasped.

My nose is fat.

It seems that my body has run out of room to stash all this extra flab and had no choice but to start squeezing it onto parts of my face. I’ve spent most of today nervously fingering my earlobes and wondering if they’re next. Each time I blink I wonder if my eyelids will soon be weighed down with puffy fat. I only have six and a half weeks to go, but if I’m going to gain another pound per week I’m going to look like the elephant man pretty soon.

My fat nose is only the latest development in the ongoing War Against My Individualism. This is the war that my pregnant self is waging against my pre-mother self. The offensive includes back acne (backne), a never-ending march of disturbing new body hair, magnificently bad body odor during times of anxiety, and uncontrollable gas. I think purpose of the war is so that by the time my daughter arrives, I will not struggle against the forfeiture of my Self for my family. It’s hard to cling to your Self when you no longer have the energy to be embarrassed by your beard and three inch long leg hair. So if this onslaught of physical humiliation makes me a better mother, I think I’m ready.

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  1. Big Sully says:

    Um, I gained 65 lbs with William. Still here…..and he’s going to be 8.

  2. Leslie Ann says:

    You are doing GREAT!!! Do you have the black line down your belly yet? That’s one more wonder that occurs during pregnancy. Hopefully you won’t get the pregnancy mask!!! :0) Sorry – not to give you one more worry! Later babe!!

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