Today is the day that I stop bitching about how people don’t tell you how awful pregnancy can be. Because today is the day that I have a nugget of information that when shared, could cause spontenous vomiting. That is why people don’t tell you how awful pregnancy can be: they don’t know if you’re about to sit down to eat a lovely dinner when your cell phone dings and you check your text messages and are slapped in the face with a reality that you didn’t ever want to know about. The pregnant person thinks they’re just relaying information- they have forgotten that their body’s metamorphosis is as horrifying as it is beautiful. The horrifying things are not just disturbing but haunting; since each pregnancy is different just because you escape the first one with minimal shocking side effects doesn’t mean you’re free and clear.
And I’m not just talking about the stuff you think no one talks about. I’m not talking about discharge, for instance. I’m not talking about sausage feet or hemorrhoids. I’m not talking about flatulence or those mini-barfs or peeing your pants all the time.
I’m talking about serious shit you don’t want to know about.
Even the people who really really really love me don’t want to know. Tom tolerates my endless chatter about the horrors with a smile, but I think he’s now blind and deaf with love for me and Baby Girl. Normal people would run screaming or tear at the hair and scream “Why god? Whyyyyyyyyy???”. And if this post has peaked your curiosity and you want to know, think about that movie Candyman. Remember how curious those people were about what would happen when they said “Candyman” into the mirror three times? Well… knowing about the pregnancy horrors might not result in your death by a hook-handed man, but you will wish it did.
But the end result will make it all worth it (easy for me to say). But it will. I can’t wait.
Honestly…I know you love my honesty…when I read this yesterday I thought, “She is weird!!!” LOL! I teach my kids, “We are all weird in our own way…”
ANYWAY…you crack me up and you have piqued my curiosity even though I thought this was weird. Maybe you can email me…I’m not afraid of the Candyman ’cause I’ve never seen that movie!!!
xoxoxoxoxo Getting sooooooooooooooooooooo close!!!!
I do love how everyone says “once you get the epidural it’s a piece of cake!”. False. At least for me…. it was enough for me to decide that I’ll be getting a c-section hands down next time.
Also, and I’m not sure if you’ve talked about it on here, but isn’t it insanely annoying how no women will EVER admit to her hopes of having one gender over another? I know a lot of women really dont care, but I’ve never ever heard a women say “I was hoping for a girl”. They ALL say “Oh, I just want a healthy baby, I don’t care either way” (until they have had a few glasses of wine). I mean, do we all have to say that? I’m pretty sure we all want healthy babies right? Why do women feel guilty about saying, “I was slightly hoping for a girl”… I mean, I had hoped for a girl, was SLIGHTLY bummed when I found out it was a boy, but he still turned out to be the love of my life.
Okay rant complete.
Haha I appreciate your rant. The only thing I want to warn you about it that there’s a myth circulating about the C-Section too: it’s no cake walk. In fact, it’s one of the things that’s got me in tears almost everyday as we approach baby-time. I know it won’t be as scary this time as it was last time, but the anticipation of major abdominal surgery while I’m awake, then recovering when I should be mother is pretty overwhelming. I guess there’s no easy way to make a new person.
xo