Eating the Greens to Get to the Reds- Wednesday January 18th

Most hard core candy eaters have a system for getting through the bad colors.  Some people eat the bad colors first, some save them until the end, some people even throw them away (although I think those people are not true candy lovers because it’s kind of psycho to throw any candy away unless it’s banana flavored or coconut).

I had to give up my passion for candy for health reasons but I used to have a system.  I would space out eating the good colors- red, purple, orange- with eating the lame colors- green.  A few bites of green here and there reminds a candy eater how awesome the reds are.  Eating the greens gives you perspective.

Being a mother is a life time of red candy, interspersed with bites of green.  There are a lot of moments when I feel scared and overwhelmed.  There are moments when I wish that time would hurry up and get to the part of Hazel’s childhood where she sleeps more at night and gnaws at my boobs less often.  Then I immediately feel guilty for wanting any time to pass, since it’s already going so fast.  I often wonder what day it is, and I have to be sure to shower every other day and brush my teeth every single day.

All of those moments are just green candy though.  They might not taste great, but it’s still candy.  And the red candy- the hours I spend staring at Hazel, the snuggling, the sweet little baby noises she makes while fluttering her baby eye lashes- those moments are indescribably delicious.  I’ll have my whole life to sleep and eat hot meals and shower.  But these infant days are so fleeting and beautiful, I feel like I’m mourning each moment as it passes.

My sister in law asked what I was looking forward to doing with Hazel the most.  I thought about it for a while, and realized that I hadn’t thought of our future together.  I just live in the present with her.  Sometimes I think about how incredible it’ll be when she recognizes me and smiles.  For the most part though, I’m just entangled in her breath and her cries and mews and poops and the little tears that come out of her eyes when she’s outraged after a bath.

If you intellectualize having children, no one would do it.  It’s hard and it’s painful.  You give up your life for these little animals who won’t appreciate what you’ve done for decades.  But when you examine what a child does to your heart, you can almost understand why people have ten.  You can almost understand why your own mother still loves you even though you always roll your eyes at her.




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  1. Deana Palermo Bickler says:

    Well said, Heather. I am so glad that you are enjoying motherhood BUT put it into perspective. Jackson said to me “mommy, your wonderful” just the other day and I about fell over from the happiness that little guy gave me. That was a red candy moment for sure
    A couple of insider tips: aka green candy
    It is still hard to shower and they are 2 1/2.
    I consume most of the days calories when they go to bed, since these little locusts want everything I have and will climb on me or any surface to get to it.

    There are many more, but I refuse to focus on the Green!
    Hope all is well!

  2. tina says:

    what a perfect analogy. well said heather!

  3. Joe Y says:

    I’m going to make sure that my mom reads this.

    Thank you for helping me express feelings that I have to others.

  4. Leslie Ann says:

    That picture is so darn cute!!! xoxoxoxo I agree…good analogy!

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