Well it turns out that resuming smoking is going better than I originally thought. I’m not terribly pleased by this but I could’ve done worse by this point. <\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
\nTom and I are going to try to go back to work tomorrow. I’m scared. <\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
\nI’m so scared in fact, that I’ve been looking into reality TV shows as a life alternative. I ruled out Shear Genius and Project Runway, but the Amazing Race and The Alaska Project are still options. We could do them as a couple and it would be slightly less alarming to our families than my other ideas: moving to a hobby farm, doing heroin (just sniffing it, not shooting up), being unemployed. <\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
Work is scary for a lot of reasons, but here are the main ones: <\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
\n1) I have to go back and sit in the chair that I sat in while I had contractions alone for five fucking hours, pretending that it was anything other than five hours of contractions. While sitting there, I will have to find a non-narcotic way to stop myself from saying (outlet and internally) WHY DIDN’T I JUST GO TO THE HOSPITAL.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
\n2) A big part of my job is calling people and chit-chatting with them. I am very afraid to make small talk with people. I don’t want to scare them by bursting into tears but I don’t want to be weird and refuse to talk about it. I know I should “do what feels right’ but what if I feel differently all the time?<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
\n3) I think I will probably slip right back into the routine of it and the next thing I know six months will have gone by. I’m afraid for this to be over. I know that there will never be another time where it’s ok for Tom and I to be home together all day, crying and sleeping and whispering memories. <\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
\nIt’s like the weeks after Tommy was gone, we all still had these weeks of family time. Even though one of us wasn’t physically present. When we go back to work a new thing will be broken. This fragile little ghost family will get burst like a bubble. Soon I’ll be complaining about stupid shit again and trying to lose weight and buying birthday cards. <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Well it turns out that resuming smoking is going better than I originally thought. I’m not terribly pleased by this but I could’ve done worse by this point. Tom and I are going to try to go back to work tomorrow. I’m scared. I’m so scared in fact, that I’ve been looking into … Continue reading “Work”<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1976","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.poorluckyme.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1976","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.poorluckyme.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.poorluckyme.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.poorluckyme.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.poorluckyme.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1976"}],"version-history":[{"count":4,"href":"http:\/\/www.poorluckyme.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1976\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":3530,"href":"http:\/\/www.poorluckyme.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1976\/revisions\/3530"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.poorluckyme.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1976"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.poorluckyme.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1976"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.poorluckyme.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1976"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}