Tommy Jr was born a month ago yesterday. \u00a0A small black “29” is written on my calendar this week. \u00a0Tommy would be one month old if he were still with us on earth, but would be 29 weeks old if he were still in my belly.<\/p>\n
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I took the last 8 surgical stickers off my c-section incision yesterday and had a bit of a meltdown. \u00a0I was crying and crying in the shower and I could suddenly feel Tommy’s presence. \u00a0He was reassuring me, urging me not to cry. \u00a0Having him near me is such a comfort, it has stopped the hopelessness I was feeling.<\/p>\n
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A friend wrote me an email yesterday explaining his belief that Tommy Jr is not “gone forever” as I have written a couple times here.\u00a0 He is a religious man but couched his beliefs in a way that an ex-cynic like myself couldn’t deny.\u00a0 I do believe that Tommy is still with me, and that he always will be.\u00a0 I believe that Tom Sr and I will be with our baby again, in another life, on another plane of energy.\u00a0 I have to believe that to honor what Tommy taught us, and because I feel it as a truth.<\/p>\n
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But I’m being my best self as I write this.\u00a0 I’m being my most loving, hopeful, optimistic self.\u00a0 When I’m being my worst self, my fearful bitter self, I can’t stand not having my boy with me physically.\u00a0 When I walk to and from work I keep finding myself walking behind families with young children, or mothers with babies.\u00a0 Sometimes I cry, right there on the street.\u00a0 I cry because I feel lonely and scared and lost.\u00a0 I cry because I won’t see Tommy grow up.\u00a0 Other times I smile and feel my baby with me too. \u00a0 And I smile because I’m a mother, and Tom Sr is a father, and we always will be.<\/p>\n
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Tom Sr and I are committed to honoring our son.\u00a0 He came to us to remind us how special our love for each other is, and how special we are as individuals.\u00a0 I think Tommy Jr. knew he would only have a short time on earth and he chose to come to us.\u00a0 He chose us because we could access the joy and love for each other and for him, despite the heartache we’ve suffered since he left.<\/p>\n
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Happy Birthday sweet baby.\u00a0 Thank you for being our son.\u00a0 We miss your little body, your sweet skin (remember how I called you my little hot dog baby?), your big hands and feet, your reaching out to us, your perfect little ears and nose and beautiful face.\u00a0 But we are so happy to have your loving, strong spirit with us now.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Tommy Jr was born a month ago yesterday. \u00a0A small black “29” is written on my calendar this week. \u00a0Tommy would be one month old if he were still with us on earth, but would be 29 weeks old if he were still in my belly. I took the last 8 surgical stickers off … Continue reading “Happy Birthday Tommy Jr”<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-2002","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.poorluckyme.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2002","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.poorluckyme.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.poorluckyme.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.poorluckyme.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.poorluckyme.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=2002"}],"version-history":[{"count":5,"href":"http:\/\/www.poorluckyme.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2002\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":3524,"href":"http:\/\/www.poorluckyme.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2002\/revisions\/3524"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.poorluckyme.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=2002"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.poorluckyme.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=2002"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.poorluckyme.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=2002"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}