Tom and I got back from California last night. It was a great trip but it feels good to be home. Well it felt good for a couple of hours, then I went back to panic mode. I’m so sick of worrying and panicking. It makes me tired and I suspect- fat. Or hungry anyway. I’m worried about moving, I’m worried about my job, I’m worried about my weight, I’m worried about money, I’m worried about being creative, I’m worried about bothering everyone I know because all I want to do is talk about myself and my feelings. I’m worried about how I’ll ever get to the other side of this grief. I’m worried about where my baby is. <\/p>\n
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I don’t have anything to write because I don’t know what the hell to write anymore. I’m uninspired. The choking sadness is gone…now I’m just empty most of the time. I have to just sit here and force myself to press the keys because I don’t know how else to manage myself. <\/p>\n
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I’d be 35 weeks today. Still over a month away from my due date. I realized that I’m at an age where people I don’t know could ask me if I have children. Just when I thought my social anxiety was getting manageable, I’m newly haunted by this possibility. <\/p>\n
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I’m just tired. <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Tom and I got back from California last night. It was a great trip but it feels good to be home. Well it felt good for a couple of hours, then I went back to panic mode. I’m so sick of worrying and panicking. It makes me tired and I suspect- fat. Or hungry anyway. … Continue reading “Pressed”<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-2087","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.poorluckyme.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2087","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.poorluckyme.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.poorluckyme.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.poorluckyme.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.poorluckyme.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=2087"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"http:\/\/www.poorluckyme.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2087\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":3511,"href":"http:\/\/www.poorluckyme.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2087\/revisions\/3511"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.poorluckyme.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=2087"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.poorluckyme.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=2087"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.poorluckyme.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=2087"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}