Alcohol is not a reliable numbing agent. It can be the ingredient that turns a lovely summer lunch into an afternoon of tears and panic. It’s disappointing really. I thought it’d be a nice way to occasionally speed time along. It’s not worth it for me though. I’m back to the drawing board. <\/p>\n
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So far I’ve tried smoking (disastrous- made me want to barf), dieting\/eating healthy (pretty good- makes me feel proactive to eat well), drinking (big disappointment), traveling (mixed- it makes the time go by fast but can be sad), exercising (works perfectly but I need more time…two or three times a week isn’t enough), and spending money like a drunken sailor (bad idea, made me panic more). <\/p>\n
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August 25th looms. I don’t know why it should even matter- it was always just an arbitrary date. It was a place holder even when we thought everything was going to turn out normal. I guess now it’s just a reminder that Tommy Jr should still be in my belly. Still. He should be in there, growing, learning to use his hands and feet, eating what I eat, and hearing me laugh. Every time I see a little boy I wonder about Tommy. I think about him as a squirmy baby keeping me up all night. I imagine him running around and scraping his knees and catching bugs and doing all the things I’ll never get to see him do. I wonder what sports he would have played and what food he would have hated. And I miss him so much it hurts. I miss my little boy, I miss our future.<\/p>\n
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I can’t imagine a time where I won’t feel so close to the edge. I don’t blame myself as much anymore, and I don’t feel overwhelmed with self-hatred very often anymore. Now it’s just gentle waves of sadness, with the occasional hurricane. <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Alcohol is not a reliable numbing agent. It can be the ingredient that turns a lovely summer lunch into an afternoon of tears and panic. It’s disappointing really. I thought it’d be a nice way to occasionally speed time along. It’s not worth it for me though. I’m back to the drawing board. So … Continue reading “Nice Try”<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-2108","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.poorluckyme.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2108","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.poorluckyme.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.poorluckyme.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.poorluckyme.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.poorluckyme.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=2108"}],"version-history":[{"count":4,"href":"http:\/\/www.poorluckyme.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2108\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":3504,"href":"http:\/\/www.poorluckyme.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2108\/revisions\/3504"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.poorluckyme.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=2108"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.poorluckyme.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=2108"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.poorluckyme.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=2108"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}