I think I’m getting freon poisoning from sitting in air-conditioning all day. I go from air conditioned apartment to air-conditioned office to air conditioned car. I haven’t looked it up or anything, but I think the symptoms are waking up at 5am no matter what and a lack of interest in other people’s problems. Well I know it’s either the freon or the heart crushing grief of losing my son. <\/p>\n
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The sleepless symptom has been ok- I’m getting better at just getting up and going to the gym. There’s really no point in lying in bed if you know you’re not going to go back to sleep. But the complete impatience for other people’s problems is proving difficult.<\/p>\n
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I shouldn’t say other people’s problems…that’s not accurate. It’s really other people’s mindless bitching. I don’t mean when someone is complaining in a funny way. I mean when someone is just complaining to fill the air, or because they have no perspective, or because they can’t read their audience and think that a blank stare is conversational encouragement. It can even just be a person’s tone of voice, like you know they’re really bitching even if what they’re saying is mundane. I realize that I am, in fact, complaining even as I write this. <\/p>\n
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I realize too that it sounds a little hypocritical, since all I do these days is talk about myself. When I’m not actually talking, I’m thinking about myself. When I’m not thinking I’m sleeping and having vivid dreams about myself. I guess I’m getting tired of my own problems as well. Maybe I’m just getting to the end the part of grieving where one is consumed with panic and effortless fretting. That would be a relief. My brain is so tired.<\/p>\n
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Tomorrow I see another doctor. I’m scared of what he’ll say. The future feels like a gaping, sucking hole. Even the light is pulled in and bent around the deep. I have to stop thinking and just let myself be carried through these next few weeks. <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
I think I’m getting freon poisoning from sitting in air-conditioning all day. I go from air conditioned apartment to air-conditioned office to air conditioned car. I haven’t looked it up or anything, but I think the symptoms are waking up at 5am no matter what and a lack of interest in other people’s problems. Well … Continue reading “Not Down With O.P.P.”<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-2117","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.poorluckyme.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2117","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.poorluckyme.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.poorluckyme.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.poorluckyme.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.poorluckyme.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=2117"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"http:\/\/www.poorluckyme.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2117\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":3501,"href":"http:\/\/www.poorluckyme.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2117\/revisions\/3501"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.poorluckyme.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=2117"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.poorluckyme.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=2117"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.poorluckyme.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=2117"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}