Well my idea got pushed back a few days. I thought that my afternoon battle with depression was just a phase (and hopefully it still is) but it’s not over yet. I have this big internal battle: Take the pills and feel clogged up creatively, or don’t take the pills and spend every single afternoon feeling like my brain and body are submersed in mud. I sucked it up and started taking the pills again. But it’s just been two days. <\/p>\n
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Oh man, I’m just sick of this. SICK. I cannot take it anymore. I feel like I’m going to have to start pulling my hairs out, or my eyelashes. Blech, that sounds so gross, I don’t want to pull anything out. I just want to be better. I WANT TO BE BETTER NOW. <\/p>\n
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I’m screaming in this blog post. My apologies. I feel like I’m stuck inside this grief, like I’m a baby chick and I can’t peck my way the hell out of here. If I can’t get myself to fight again, I’m going to lose everything I worked for over the past five years. I’ll back slide right into this self-absorbed, constantly complaining, low self-esteemed, agoraphobic turd who pretends to be outgoing so people don’t as a lot of questions. “Oh look at me, a hilarious chubster who loves to be the center of attention!” I can’t be that pretend person again. I have to get the fuck out of this egg immediately if not sooner. <\/p>\n
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So? What do I do? And don’t say go back to Second City…I just don’t feel like it.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Well my idea got pushed back a few days. I thought that my afternoon battle with depression was just a phase (and hopefully it still is) but it’s not over yet. I have this big internal battle: Take the pills and feel clogged up creatively, or don’t take the pills and spend every single afternoon … Continue reading “Peck…Peck…Monday October 4th”<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-2189","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.poorluckyme.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2189","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.poorluckyme.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.poorluckyme.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.poorluckyme.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.poorluckyme.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=2189"}],"version-history":[{"count":4,"href":"http:\/\/www.poorluckyme.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2189\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":3484,"href":"http:\/\/www.poorluckyme.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2189\/revisions\/3484"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.poorluckyme.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=2189"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.poorluckyme.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=2189"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.poorluckyme.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=2189"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}