This unseasonal balminess makes me feel unsettled. My moods spin recklessly about every 90 minutes. Walking home yesterday I couldn’t stop scowling and wondering if I got hit by a car and died would Tom or my parents read my old diaries? Because that would be embarrassing…so I obsessed about it. <\/p>\n
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At home Ramona moaned and sobbed when I walked through the door. She pretended that she had been locked in a prisoner of war camp since I had left that morning- without food or water or a king sized bed to sleep on. Our walked brightened my mood a little, my brain slowed down enough for me to complete a thought. <\/p>\n
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I do feel better, closer to a normal person now. This emotional pain feel just like physical pain. I’ve had a few whoppers- appendectomy, all four impacted wisdom teeth pulled and subsequent dry sockets- the only difference is the emotional pain lingers longer and you can recall it faster. I can only recall the concept that my appendicitis hurt, I can’t actually access a physical memory. But my broken heart…it pulses and spurts pain. Sometimes I think it’s weird that I’m not covered with the guts and gore of my broken heart. <\/p>\n
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Everyone kept telling me that I’d find a new normal, and I think this is it. Cycles of crushing pain and hopelessness followed by contentment, happiness, access to hope and joy. It’s manageable now that I know what I’m dealing with. <\/p>\n
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We’re going to get pregnant soon. Weight Watchers gave me the final push of courage. I get sad anticipating how different this one will be, but it will be joyful in ways I don’t understand yet. I think I’m going to tell people right away when it happens- I know it’ll sooth a lot of my loved ones to know I’m still in the game. <\/p>\n
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Ok son, please pick out your sibling and get him or her ready to come down here. <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
This unseasonal balminess makes me feel unsettled. My moods spin recklessly about every 90 minutes. Walking home yesterday I couldn’t stop scowling and wondering if I got hit by a car and died would Tom or my parents read my old diaries? Because that would be embarrassing…so I obsessed about it. At home Ramona … Continue reading “Readyish – Friday February 18th”<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-2358","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.poorluckyme.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2358","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.poorluckyme.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.poorluckyme.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.poorluckyme.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.poorluckyme.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=2358"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"http:\/\/www.poorluckyme.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2358\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":3435,"href":"http:\/\/www.poorluckyme.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2358\/revisions\/3435"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.poorluckyme.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=2358"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.poorluckyme.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=2358"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.poorluckyme.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=2358"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}