Every week I’m newly stunned at how much time has passed since Tommy Jr died. Whole chunks are missing- months have passed unaccounted for. I remember August and December because we had great travel adventures. The rest is a blur. <\/p>\n
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\nIf it wasn’t for how easily I can laugh now, I would think that everything had happened two weeks ago. I do remember how long it took me to feel like I had my own skin on again, and how rattled I was when people expected me to act normal again when I was so far from feeling like myself. And I remember accepting that I had to find a different normal, and accepting that most people just could not understand the pain that weighed on my heart…even when I was able to smile and laugh again. <\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
\nI still want to tell people all the time that I am a mother, that I have a son…but I don’t want to burden people with the story. Like when people who know me through work say, “Weren’t you pregnant last time I saw you” I usually just say “Yes, but it’s a sad story.” I’m not afraid of talking about it, I just feel bad. It’s like I’m forcing people to bite off more than they can chew. My heart, though, is a mother’s heart. <\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
\nThis is turning out to be a sadder post than I intended. I just wanted to say that my trying to try has paid off. I’m less scared about the future, I’m more hopeful. And I realized that part of being an adult is suffering and not losing sight of the wonder and joy of life. Tragedy does not cancel out happiness. If you had told me 10 years ago that I would have a beautiful baby die and that I would survive, I wouldn’t have believe it was possible. I wouldn’t have believed that any of it was possible. But here I am. It’s spring again, Tom and I are alive, our hearts can ache but it won’t stop us from laughing. <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Every week I’m newly stunned at how much time has passed since Tommy Jr died. Whole chunks are missing- months have passed unaccounted for. I remember August and December because we had great travel adventures. The rest is a blur. If it wasn’t for how easily I can laugh now, I would think that … Continue reading “Still Laughing – Thursday April 21st”<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-2436","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.poorluckyme.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2436","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.poorluckyme.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.poorluckyme.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.poorluckyme.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.poorluckyme.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=2436"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"http:\/\/www.poorluckyme.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2436\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":3414,"href":"http:\/\/www.poorluckyme.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2436\/revisions\/3414"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.poorluckyme.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=2436"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.poorluckyme.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=2436"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.poorluckyme.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=2436"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}