It’s taken me a while to write the details because I have so many conflicting emotions. Then yesterday I had a great talk with a friend who convinced me to stop being cautiously optimistic and start being hopeful. I have to visualize this baby making it to 37 weeks and being born all fat and happy and healthy. Not getting my hopes up (keeping my hopes down?) isn’t going to protect my heart if something happens, it’s going to get in the way of me enjoying being pregnant. So that’s the end of that. <\/p>\n
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Most of the conflicting emotions are too obvious to bother writing down. There are a couple of issues though, that people might not realize are coming up. <\/p>\n
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\nFirst of all, and most frustrating, is that many of my loved ones can’t seem to help but think I’m now cured of my sadness. I understand the sentiment, I know it’s been terribly difficult to watch me struggle this past year. I am overjoyed to be pregnant again, but it does not detract one iota from the sadness and longing I’ll always have for Tommy Jr. I’ll always have one less child then I’m supposed to. My broken heart has healed a lot because I was surrounded by love and support, because people propped me up when I couldn’t muster my own courage, and because I worked really really hard. But the new pregnancy doesn’t dilute my feelings about the last one. <\/p>\n
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\nSecond of all, I’ve already had some one ask if this was my first pregnancy. I think that’s a weird question to begin with…what’s the difference? But it presents me with an awkward choice. Either I spare the person and say yes, which I don’t like to do because I want to acknowledge my son, or I drop the bomb. The first time someone asked I said, “This is my second pregnancy, the first one is a sad story”. I think is the best I can do. I know sometimes I’ll be in a bad mood and drop the bomb because I get annoyed that people ask such thoughtless questions. But on my good days I know that thoughtless questions are usually innocent and always forgivable. <\/p>\n
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\nRemember when I wrote that post about being wrong and how I wasn’t pregnant? My math was just off- I was testing the wrong week. In fact I felt so pregnant that then I thought I was having a hysterical pregnancy. When we were finally positive, I had an actual panic attack. We got pregnant the first try! I thought I would have more time to prepare. A few minutes of deep breathing later and I decided that this was just meant to be. And I don’t even believe in that. I spent two days telling Tom “I TOLD YOU” and laughing. This pregnancy has been different too, which I’m sort of relieved about. I feel happily nauseous and exhausted and crabby and fat. And I love every minute of it…even when I’m complainering. <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
It’s taken me a while to write the details because I have so many conflicting emotions. Then yesterday I had a great talk with a friend who convinced me to stop being cautiously optimistic and start being hopeful. I have to visualize this baby making it to 37 weeks and being born all fat and … Continue reading “Details- Tuesday May 17th”<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-2463","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.poorluckyme.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2463","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.poorluckyme.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.poorluckyme.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.poorluckyme.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.poorluckyme.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=2463"}],"version-history":[{"count":4,"href":"http:\/\/www.poorluckyme.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2463\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":3408,"href":"http:\/\/www.poorluckyme.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2463\/revisions\/3408"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.poorluckyme.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=2463"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.poorluckyme.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=2463"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.poorluckyme.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=2463"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}