Last weekend I started trying to put old blog posts into a document- I wanted it to be laid out like a novel. Well, the truth is I was hoping it would just turn into a novel because I changed the layout. Reading all those old blog entries made me realize something I hadn’t noticed before: this is some seriously depressing shit. <\/p>\n
That should be obvious to the person who went through it, but my mind is sparing me the glaring details of the past. I can’t believed I survived it, but I do know how I did it. I remember the first week Tom G and I were home from the hospital. We didn’t do much besides sleep and cry. The first day I felt like a shadow, or a ghost. Tranquilizers allowed me to sleep the day away, sit in front of a cooling diner plate, then sleep all night. The second morning I woke up and clung to Tom and screamed cried. I didn’t stop crying until I had decided to live through the pain. And once I decided, I couldn’t change my mind. I don’t know exactly when I told Tom G that I had made up my mind, but I know that he believed me. Things stayed bad, then got a little better, then got bad…but I always promised TG that I would come out the other end, and he always believed me. So I just had to get better. <\/p>\n
Someone I love so so much calls this my “stupid blog”. I laugh when he says it, because I know exactly what he means, and I often feel the same way. This is the place where I write the worst stuff way more often then the good stuff. And this is the place where all the raw ugly pain gets splashed all over everyone, including me.<\/p>\n
When I told my sister in law and my brother about my attempt at a book, they both reminded me that I was to use this blog for inspiration. I pretended to agree at first but quickly confessed that I was probably too lazy to REALLY write a book. Maybe I could take like a creative-cut-and-pasting class at the local college? Or maybe someone else could do it? <\/p>\n
If I were a REAL writer I would obsess about it all day every day until I finally just quit my job and burrowed into a dank room somewhere with a key board and a pack of cigarettes and a pain of fingerless gloves and just eat rare steaks and drink whiskey until I birthed the fiery novel that had been growing in my soul for three decades. But I don’t like smoking or red meat and I’m pregnant anyways so I have to spent most of my time obsessing about the baby. Maybe in a few more decades I could try the type writer thing. Or maybe I can take a more bright loft\/bathrobe\/hot tea approach. <\/p>\n
I’m four months pregnant today. <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Last weekend I started trying to put old blog posts into a document- I wanted it to be laid out like a novel. Well, the truth is I was hoping it would just turn into a novel because I changed the layout. Reading all those old blog entries made me realize something I hadn’t noticed … Continue reading “A Little Angst Never Hurt Anyone – Friday July 15th”<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-2592","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.poorluckyme.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2592","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.poorluckyme.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.poorluckyme.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.poorluckyme.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.poorluckyme.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=2592"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"http:\/\/www.poorluckyme.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2592\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":3383,"href":"http:\/\/www.poorluckyme.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2592\/revisions\/3383"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.poorluckyme.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=2592"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.poorluckyme.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=2592"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.poorluckyme.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=2592"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}