I have to make a couple of confessions. \u00a0First of all, I just realized that I didn’t know Thanksgiving was on the fourth Thursday of every November. \u00a0I actually thought it was November 28th. \u00a0So it’s a total surprise to me every year when Thanksgiving isn’t on the 28th. \u00a0Likewise, I don’t know the exact date of Christmas day. \u00a0Is it the 24th? \u00a025th? \u00a026th? \u00a0I know it’s right around there, but I wouldn’t put money on any one date. \u00a0I just don’t know for sure.<\/p>\n
Making these minor confessions makes me feel more confident when I tell you that I am just not properly excited for this baby to arrive. \u00a0I don’t know what I feel, other than feeling like this part of my pregnancy could be \u00a0a plot line written for the Miranda character on Sex in the City. \u00a0Wait- there’s another confession- I don’t know if the name of the show is Sex And the City or Sex in the City despite going to the theater to watch both movies. \u00a0I have a few “hilarious” quips for when people ask me if I’m excited, and sometimes when the house is quiet and I’m in bed trying to sleep I rub my belly and smile happily. \u00a0But for the most part, I’m scared. \u00a0Like, I’m seriously f*cking scared.<\/p>\n
Luckily, I know a secret. \u00a0It’s a very important secret that I cling to all the time, and I’m going to share it with you now:<\/p>\n
The anticipation is always worse than the event you dread.<\/p>\n
Worrying and fretting and obsessing don’t actually get you any closer to finishing anything. \u00a0But once you’re finally just in the reality you’ve been afraid of, and your adrenaline is going and you are surviving, you realize it’s not that bad. \u00a0Even when it’s really really bad, like having surgery while you’re awake, or trying on bathing suits.<\/p>\n
In my case, I’m not even really sure what I’m so afraid of. \u00a0I mean, having the baby be stillborn is still enough of a risk with my gestation diabetes that I can worry about that when I don’t feel her little punches and hiccups. \u00a0That takes up a lot of my energy. \u00a0I know I’m afraid of being patient with the baby, and with Tom, and with myself. \u00a0I’m afraid of saying goodbye to my old life, especially since over the past year and a half I felt so far away from almost everything I cared about.<\/p>\n
Writing it out like this makes me feel better that I don’t have the right thing to say to people asking me if I’m excited. \u00a0I am excited, I’m just so busy anticipating that I lose sight of why I took this leap of faith in the first place. \u00a0The reason, of course, was to make a miniature Tom who can’t escape my hugs and kisses with his excuses of having to “work” or “go to sleep” or “take a shower”. \u00a0Er, I mean…did that sound a little too honest? \u00a0I mean to say the normal reason that normal people have children. \u00a0Please insert that reason here_____________.<\/p>\n
I don’t exactly know how to live in the moment, but I know how to distinguish the anguish of anticipation from an upcoming reality. \u00a0I’ve got two weeks to go. \u00a0Two weeks that I can spend in excited anticipation as long as I remember that once I’m in combat, I’ll be able to figure out what I’m supposed to do.<\/p>\n
And while we’re talking about secrets, I should probably tell you one more. \u00a0When you ask some one how they’re feeling, and they tell you that they’re worrying or scared, they don’t want you to cheer them up or give them a pep talk. \u00a0They don’t need you to point out that they’re being irrational or where the silver lining is. \u00a0They don’t want you to scoff at their fears or try and solve their problems.<\/p>\n
They want you to say this: “Ugh that is scary” or “That’s sucks!” or “I hate that for you”. \u00a0No one will tell you that, but it’s the truth.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
I have to make a couple of confessions. \u00a0First of all, I just realized that I didn’t know Thanksgiving was on the fourth Thursday of every November. \u00a0I actually thought it was November 28th. \u00a0So it’s a total surprise to me every year when Thanksgiving isn’t on the 28th. \u00a0Likewise, I don’t know the exact … Continue reading “Secrets and Confessions – Monday November 28th”<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-2745","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.poorluckyme.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2745","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.poorluckyme.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.poorluckyme.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.poorluckyme.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.poorluckyme.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=2745"}],"version-history":[{"count":5,"href":"http:\/\/www.poorluckyme.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2745\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":3331,"href":"http:\/\/www.poorluckyme.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2745\/revisions\/3331"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.poorluckyme.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=2745"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.poorluckyme.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=2745"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.poorluckyme.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=2745"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}