I’ve run out of things to say when people ask how I’m doing. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
I’m fine. It’s manageable. I’m bad. I feel sorry for myself. I feel lucky. I am brave. I can do this. But it sucks. And most of all? I’m god damn tired of talking about myself. Just kidding, all I want to do is talk about myself but even I think it’s boring. My life feels teeny tiny. And it’s still the very beginning of the cancer. In fact it’s barely started.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
For about ten days I’ve been shuffling around. I’m in pain, I have fatigue, and I just let it happen to me. That felt like real old school depression: I couldn’t use my tools. Yesterday I decided that I can make time for those days – but they need boundaries. Like two or three days wallowing in pain and fear is ok, then I have to get back to living. I know I can fake it til I make it. I know that my brain doesn’t know the difference between forcing myself to socialize and wanting to socialize – once I’m there I’m there. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
I did not understand the mental gymnastics that a chronic illness requires. For instance: can you imagine how good it feels for people to constantly be praising me for just showing up? I mean people have the lowest of expectations of me and when I meet those expectations I am a hero. Someday, probably in the near future, that’s going to trickle down. Very soon people are not going to think I am superhuman because I differentiate between day pajamas and night pajamas. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
I’ve run out of things to say when people ask how I’m doing. I’m fine. It’s manageable. I’m bad. I feel sorry for myself. I feel lucky. I am brave. I can do this. But it sucks. And most of all? I’m god damn tired of talking about myself. Just kidding, all I want to … Continue reading “What Do I Make of a Bad Day”<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[66],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-3924","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-how-i-am-right-now"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.poorluckyme.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3924","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.poorluckyme.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.poorluckyme.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.poorluckyme.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.poorluckyme.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=3924"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"http:\/\/www.poorluckyme.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3924\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":3925,"href":"http:\/\/www.poorluckyme.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3924\/revisions\/3925"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.poorluckyme.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=3924"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.poorluckyme.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=3924"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.poorluckyme.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=3924"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}