{"id":633,"date":"2009-06-29T20:05:14","date_gmt":"2009-06-30T03:05:14","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.poorluckyme.com\/blog\/?p=633"},"modified":"2025-05-23T17:33:50","modified_gmt":"2025-05-23T22:33:50","slug":"alert-preparations-have-begun","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.poorluckyme.com\/blog\/alert-preparations-have-begun\/","title":{"rendered":"Alert: Preparations Have Begun – Monday June 29"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"turkey-leg\"<\/a>
\nDear Readers,<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

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The decision has been made: Poor Lucky Me will be attending this year’s Taste of Chicago. It was not an easy decision to make considering that two of my most hated activities are standing around in a crush of fat people and eating standing up. <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

However I think that it’s high time to expose myself to some activities popular among the rest of society. Preliminary research shows that the public enjoys nibbling on a variety of fried novelty foods (turkey leg, candy bar, twinkie), staring at each other’s tattoos in jealousy and hoping that others are jealous of their own tattoos, and using porty-potties. <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

To prepare myself for the upcoming dive into The Taste, I have made the following adjustments:<\/p>\n

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<\/p>\n

1. I hastily gained 45 pounds. My heart pounds when I roll over in bed now, but it is important that I blend in with the other food-revelers.
\n2. I have cut down to one huge meal a day. To keep my stomach gaping and insatiable, I have eschewed breakfast and dinner for three weeks. Instead I eat a 5000 calories lunch that starts with chocolate chip pancakes and ends with a fifth of Jim Beam.
\n3. Elastic waist banded pants have replaced anything fitted in my wardrobe. I appreciate the gastronomical freedom these pants afford me.
\n4. All laced or slip on shoes are stored away and have been replaced by Crocs or flip flops. My toe nails are appropriately yellow and horny. Perfect for outdoor dining!
\n5. A bottle of Maalox is consumed each night before bed to coat and sooth my intestines. <\/p>\n

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I still have a lot of work to do, but I think I’m on the right track. My roommate is still trying to talk me out of bringing a weapon, but it seems like a pretty good idea so far. Please feel free to weigh in with your suggestions. <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

With Love,
\nPoor Lucky Me<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Dear Readers,   The decision has been made: Poor Lucky Me will be attending this year’s Taste of Chicago. It was not an easy decision to make considering that two of my most hated activities are standing around in a crush of fat people and eating standing up.   However I think that it’s high … Continue reading “Alert: Preparations Have Begun – Monday June 29”<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-633","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.poorluckyme.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/633","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.poorluckyme.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.poorluckyme.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.poorluckyme.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.poorluckyme.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=633"}],"version-history":[{"count":5,"href":"http:\/\/www.poorluckyme.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/633\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":3762,"href":"http:\/\/www.poorluckyme.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/633\/revisions\/3762"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.poorluckyme.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=633"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.poorluckyme.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=633"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.poorluckyme.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=633"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}