{"id":883,"date":"2009-08-13T09:29:55","date_gmt":"2009-08-13T16:29:55","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.poorluckyme.com\/blog\/?p=883"},"modified":"2025-05-23T17:34:50","modified_gmt":"2025-05-23T22:34:50","slug":"inconveinent-information-wednesday-august-12","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.poorluckyme.com\/blog\/inconveinent-information-wednesday-august-12\/","title":{"rendered":"Inconveinent Information – Wednesday August 12"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"2350222593_852f3d61a3\"<\/a>I sat in the dentist’s chair wiping my sweaty palms over and over on my jeans.\u00a0 I started doing it from necessity but it turned into a nervous tic.\u00a0 After seven minutes my palms felt raw.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

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The dental hygienist walked in.\u00a0 Her blond hair was teased up high and I could see bright pink lipstick through her mask. “Well hello there, haven’t seen you in a while!”\u00a0 She said cheerfully.<\/p>\n

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“Hi, sorry.\u00a0 I’m trying to be better”\u00a0 I said.\u00a0 “But everything feels ok”<\/p>\n

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<\/p>\n

“Oh good” She sat down next to me.\u00a0 She asked me a few small talk questions: How do you like living in the city, what’s new, how’s work.\u00a0 Nothing too challenging.\u00a0 Then she asked me to open my mouth, and she held up a metal scraper.\u00a0 She put it against my teeth and started working.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

It was quiet in the office, only a few other people were there.\u00a0 I couldn’t talk with her working in my mouth and immediately started worrying that I was boring her.\u00a0 I didn’t want her to think I was some jerk who didn’t want to make small talk, even with my mouth full of weapon-like instruments.\u00a0 So I said:<\/p>\n

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<\/p>\n

“Moow maar uurr rilrun?”<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

“Oh they are really something.\u00a0 They are just driving me crazy these days.\u00a0 You know the older one finally stopped saying she wants to kill herself, but you wanna know what happened to the younger one?”\u00a0 She paused to build drama and I nodded my open mouth.\u00a0 “Well she’s in high school now, and I guess she was kissing some guy.\u00a0 Next thing I know, she’s got mouth herpes!”<\/p>\n

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<\/p>\n

I choked a little and she took the scraper out for a moment.\u00a0 “Gosh”\u00a0 I said.<\/p>\n

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“Oh you got that right.\u00a0 Herpes.\u00a0 You should have seen it.\u00a0 It was horrible.\u00a0 It was disgusting.\u00a0 It was all over her lips and the roof of her mouth!\u00a0 So I said, I said: Now don’t go telling kids at school that you’ve got mouth herpes.\u00a0 Tell them its hoof and mouth disease, they don’t know the difference.”\u00a0 She started working on my molars.<\/p>\n

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<\/p>\n

“Well does she listen to me?\u00a0 No.\u00a0 So everyone at school knows”\u00a0 I politely decide not to point out that it’s early August, and what school is she in anyway?<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

She continues, “A few days later, someone has put up a facebook page for her herpes!\u00a0 It says all these awful things like she sucks ____ and eats\u00a0 ______ and that’s how she got herpes in her mouth.”\u00a0 I nod again.\u00a0 “She’s so upset, not to mention the herpes is just everywhere now, she can’t eat or smoke or anything.\u00a0 Lucky for her, I’ve got the best psychic ever.\u00a0 So my sister and I go to the psychic, and she tells us who did the facebook page, and you’ll never believe this…”<\/p>\n

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<\/p>\n

“Errrg?”\u00a0 I say.<\/p>\n

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“No!\u00a0 It was her BEST FRIEND!\u00a0 That little bitch, she acted all nice and like she was such a good friend.\u00a0 So I tell my daughter that she’s gotta start a facebook page saying her friend has herpes too!\u00a0 Hahahaha!” I could taste blood in my mouth.
\nYou know all the kids are going to get it anyway, the joke’s on them.\u00a0 You know canker sores are herpes right?\u00a0 Did you ever have canker sores?”\u00a0 She took her torture devices out of my mouth so I could answer.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

“No?”\u00a0 I asked.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

“Oh that’s good because that’s mouth herpes too.\u00a0 So yea, anyways, she’s got the herpes now but I’m getting her the pills and I’m just telling her she learned an important lesson…”<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

As the hygienist prattled on I marveled at how she completely lacked the ability to read people’s reactions.\u00a0 Maybe my open mouth prevented me from looking as horrified as I felt, but I suspect that even if I stood dry heaving and sobbing “No, please stop talking” this lady would keep talking.<\/p>\n

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<\/p>\n

When she finished cleaning my teeth I stood up and tried not to make eye contact.<\/p>\n

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<\/p>\n

“Here’s your toothbrush” she said “and remember: more flossing.\u00a0 And canker sores are mouth herpes too.”<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

“Oh I’ll remember,” I said.\u00a0 “Thank you SO MUCH.”<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I sat in the dentist’s chair wiping my sweaty palms over and over on my jeans.\u00a0 I started doing it from necessity but it turned into a nervous tic.\u00a0 After seven minutes my palms felt raw.   The dental hygienist walked in.\u00a0 Her blond hair was teased up high and I could see bright pink … Continue reading “Inconveinent Information – Wednesday August 12”<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-883","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.poorluckyme.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/883","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.poorluckyme.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.poorluckyme.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.poorluckyme.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.poorluckyme.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=883"}],"version-history":[{"count":5,"href":"http:\/\/www.poorluckyme.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/883\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":3728,"href":"http:\/\/www.poorluckyme.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/883\/revisions\/3728"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.poorluckyme.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=883"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.poorluckyme.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=883"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.poorluckyme.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=883"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}