10 Things I Wonder About Chimps:
1. Why can’t they speak English? Or French at least?
2. Aren’t they afraid of their feet and genitals always being exposed? Especially when they’re swinging all around? It seems dangerous.
3. Why do they love smoking cigarettes?
4. What’s the big deal about bananas? I hate bananas.
5. Can they grow out the hair on their head or is it naturally short?
6. They seem to like dressing up when they live with humans, but not in the wild. If you left a bunch of clothes unattended in the wild would chimps naturally wear them?
7. When they’re not eating or sleeping or procreating, do they wish they could read? Or play guitar?
8. If they could fly flight simulators in “Project X” could they learn how to drive cars? I bet they’d be decent drivers.
9. Is there a chimp union in Hollywood? If not, is that something I could get started or would that be seen as exploitative?
10. We all know that chimps are known to wage war. But you don’t often hear about chimp hippies, or chimp love-ins. Is this another media-conspiracy?