Dear Poor Lucky Me,
When my best friend got married, I really tried to like his new wife. I went out of my way to share in her interests and pay attention to her.

I tried hard, and it turns out she just sucks. She’s a snob, she’s openly disinterested in things she doesn’t know anything about, and she steamrolls anyone who disagrees with her annoying opinions.

So what am I supposed to do? Is this the end of a great friendship? I shudder at the idea of hanging out the three of us. My own girlfriend has already written the wife off.

Signed,
I’ve Known Him Longer

Dear I’ve Known Him Longer,
Disliking a friend’s spouse is a common affliction as one moves into their twenties and thirties. It’s another reminder that grownupism sucks. In my youth, I had no problem saying “You’re boyfriend/girlfriend is a pain in the ass/ho/douche bag/narc and you should break up with him/her as soon as possible if not sooner.” Because I was very bossy, this usually did the trick. But after college and into our early careers, I started losing my resolve. It became harder to tell a friend that hanging out with his fiance made me feel like I’ve donated too much blood on a hot day without being provided any apple juice or crackers. Especially if the friend had already invested in a ring. In fact, this is one of the main reasons that I’ve started the Engagement Rings Are For Suckers facebook group.

Anyway, there are a few things you can do. You don’t want to give up on the friendship, that’s not fair. There are only a handful of cool people in this world, and you can’t let a lame wife box you out from a good friendship. First of all, you should really go out of your way to agree with her “annoying opinions” when you are forced to be in the same room with her. This really pleases douche bags, and keeps you from having to have long conversations with them. Sometimes people who are tools intentionally say provocative things, then they judge how you react to what they’ve said. It’s like that tic-tack-toe-playing-chicken’s method- they peck and peck until they get a positive or negative reaction that they can use. Second of all, try to make plans with your friend when you know the wife has other commitments. This is the only real solution to the lame-spouse dilemma. You just have to set up activities that you know she’ll hate or will conflict with her schedule, then hope that your friend gets the point.

Be forewarned: if he ever asks “Do you like my wife?” Reply, “I really do. We don’t have a ton in common but I do enjoy her. Especially because she makes you happy” Never ever say that you think she’s a boring snob who makes you want to fake a heart attack to get out of a conversation with her. Sometimes it doesn’t pay to tell the whole truth, and your friend already knows about the less desirable aspects of her personality, and he married her anyway. Maybe she’s a demon in the sack. We’ll hope so, for your friend’s sake.

Sincerely,
Poor Lucky Me