You know what I think would really help? A shot of Seratonin. Do they have that? I’m too damn delicate to drink my way through this pain. I have three glasses of wine and have to pass out. How can you speed up the time without acting irresponsible? And how can you just sit and stew and live in the pain in sobriety. We’ve been trying to live in it I think, until it gets to be too much. And the amount we can handle depends on the day: it’s not getting steadily better.
I’m starting to feel like I’m not ready to see a therapist right now. We’ve been a few times and I just am not sure I’m ready to paw at my feelings…anymore than I am writing about them like this. So Tom is looking into support groups now. He’s right that we can’t do nothing.
We try and make plans about the future but one of us always ends up staring off into space after a while. I think it’s usually me but I’m not sure. I know I can’t talk as well as I can write about this. My friend Chris pointed out how lucky I am to have this outlet, which is true. Things have to come out of me (especially because I can’t really drink). I wonder if once all the things are finished coming out, I’ll be better.