The essay I wrote about Thomas Nathan Guillen Jr is here.

Tom Sr and I are so grateful for your prayers, loving thoughts and positive energy.

If you would like to contribute to the Scholarship Fund we are setting up in Tommy Jr’s name, you can do it on-line by clicking here

On page one of the online site, in the area marked “My Designation”, you should indicate School of Continuing Studies Scholarship Fund, on page two you should indicate your gift is for the Thomas Nathan Guillen Jr Scholarship Fund.

If you prefer to send a check, please make it out to School of Continuing Studies Scholarship Fund and write in the memo: Thomas Nathan Guillien Jr Scholarship Fund. Checks can be mailed to Northwestern University, Office of Annual Giving, 2020 Ridge Avenue, Room 230, Evanston, Illinois 60208-4307.

Thank you for being on this journey with us.

Monthly Horoscopes May 2010

Aries (March 21-April 19): Your girlfriend is going to find out you love Lady Gaga. At first you will both think it’s a cute thing you share but you’ll quickly grow suspicious of each other. Neither of you will be able to shake the feeling that there’s something wrong with the other person for liking that annoying awful music.

Taurus (April 20-May 20): Your problem isn’t work or your relationship or your crappy car. It’s doughnut holes.

Gemini (May 21-June 21): Tuesday is not a good day to ride your bike to work. Your pants are going to get caught in the chain and show your ass-crack just as you pedal past the girl at work who you want to ask out.

Cancer (June 22-July 22): At your friend’s home in Wisconsin you will see a bat and become convinced that it is going to fly into your hair. It will not, but the very idea of bat-hair will haunt your trip.

Leo (July 23-August 22): You’re not the only person watching porno at work but be careful- you’re the most likely person to get fired for it.

Virgo (August 23-September 22): “I forgot” isn’t really a great excuse after the age of 15. Why don’t you invest in a pocket calender? Or use the calender in your cell phone? Or use a pen and a pad of paper?

Libra (September 23-October 23): Your friends don’t know how to tell you this…but you’re an awful drunk. They like you after two drinks, but once you black out you’re just too heavy to haul around.

Scorpio (October 24-November 21): Your suspicions about the cult you recently joined are correct.

Sagittarius (November 22-December 21): There’s a spider in your Caesar salad.

Capricorn (December 22-January 19): The reason people don’t act impressed when you tell them how much money you make is that they don’t believe you. If you want to impress people, act coy about your salary but always pick up the check.

Aquarius (January 20-February 18): The man at the coffee shop has been giving you the wrong change for two months hoping you’ll come back and talk to him.

Pisces (February 19-March 20): Your relentlessly upbeat Facebook updates are not fooling anyone. But they are annoying everyone.

Monthly Horoscopes April 2010

Aries (March 21-April 19): Your prison boyfriend really appreciates your letters, even if he doesn’t say as much.

Taurus (April 20-May 20): After a new hair cut, a co-worker will say “Nice haircut”. You will wonder if the comment was sincere or sarcastic.

Gemini (May 21-June 21): The batteries in your remote controller will die. You will be too lazy to go across the street to Walgreens and replace them for a week. Instead, you will read a book.

Cancer (June 22-July 22): You will secretly go to Al’s Italian Beef after telling everyone you’re on a diet. Once there, you will win a free lunch for your office. You will agonize about what to do.

Leo (July 23-August 22): The boss will give you several assignments that you will complete diligently and accurately. The boss will never ask for the completed work, and when you get fed up and put it on his desk, he won’t look at it. You will want revenge but decide to let it go. Don’t worry, it’s not you, it’s him.

Virgo (August 23-September 22): Your gambling addict friend will ask you for $200 for “a sure thing”. The thing is not sure and you know it, but you’re afraid to say no. Beat him to the punch by borrowing $200 before he asks.

Libra (September 23-October 23): The Jimmy Johns near your house serves old meat. That’s why you’re always the only person in there.

Scorpio (October 24-November 21): The music on your iPod is terrible.

Sagittarius (November 22-December 21): Your soon-to-be mother-in-law is going to offer you diction classes for a wedding gift. She likes you a lot, she just hates your Minnesota accent. Accept the classes with a smile- they are fully refundable for cash.

Capricorn (December 22-January 19): You will finally wash your sheets, but the dryer you choose will be broken. Try dryer number 5 instead.

Aquarius (January 20-February 18): You will forget to lock the backroom door at work and your new assistant will walk in on you while you’re on the toilet reading a Twilight book.

Pisces (February 19-March 20): You are just overtired. Take a nap.

Dear Readers,
Is Bill O’Reilly for real? I tried watching his show last night, just to see what he had to say. I decided that he must a kidding- like Stephan Colbert.

Right?

Sincerely,
Poor Lucky Me

Dear Readers,
My yearly review is coming up soon. I’m considering asking for a daily 30 minute nap, instead of a raise. I’m a little nervous this will make me look “immature” or “psycho” or “drug addicted”. I am none of those things…well maybe a little immature…I’m just tired. I don’t know why we ever had to give up our daytime naps.

In the summer I will exchange my nap time for recess. Neither of these shall coincide with my lunch hour.

What do you think? Should I go for it or continue to fear judgment?

Sincerely,
Poor Lucky Me

UPDATE:
Dear Readers,
The mystery neighbor problem has been solved. The people across the hall from me are not drug dealers, musicians or vampires. They are a jock-tool couple who spend each weekend getting drunk, breaking up, and making up.

I finally got to the bottom of the mystery by bursting out of my apartment in my underpants at four o’clock in the morning, roaring “WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE???” Awesomely, I did not bring my keys with me for this confrontation, which I realized as I heard the dull thud of my door closing behind me. The drunken couple, now made up, stared at me with shock and horror as I pretended I was sleepwalking to cover up my acute humiliation. I put my arms in front of me, Frankenstein-style, and ranted about Nixon.

Eventually the maintenance man came across our trio as he was making his rounds. He let me into my apartment without commentary, and I went back to bed. As I drifted off to sleep I couldn’t help but feel a little smug, even if I looked like a complete idiot. I think the couple across the hall will think twice before they wake up the scantily-clad-sleepwalker again.

Thanks for all your help.

Sincerely,
Poor Lucky Me

Dear Readers,
A strange thing has started happening in my apartment building. Almost every Friday and Saturday, between 4-5 in the morning, some one starts knocking on the door across the hall from my apartment.

The knocks are polite at first. Tap. Tap. Tap. Sometimes I hear a stage whispered “Heeeeeeeyyy”. But the person becomes more insistent. Pounding fists give way to kicking. The kicking gets so hard that it rattles the owners door knocker. Then abruptly, the door opens. No one apologizes. I can’t hear any explanation. The door opens, the offending visitor is let in, and we all pretend nothing is amiss.

My greatest frustration is that because of the angle of the door, I can’t see who’s rapping on the door from my peephole. I’m too weirded out to open the door and check out what’s happening. And I’m way too cowardly to fling open my door and yell “Shut the hell”. Also I wear unpredictable sleep-ware: I’m not always in a state to be seen by strangers. I don’t feel right taping a note on this person’s door, and I don’t feel right about complaining to the building manager without confronting the resident.

Should I switch to full length pajamas and go bananas on these fools next Friday night? I think my temper has simmered just enough.

What would you do?

Sincerely,
Poor Lucky Me

Dear Readers,
If every one says that we should be eating 5 small meals a day, shouldn’t we be lobbying our bosses and politicians to make a scheduling change in the work place?

I can’t keep eating my 2nd and 4th meals in the elevator, stopped between two floors with the alarm going off. I’m afraid some one’s going to call the fire department.

Sincerely,
Poor Lucky Me

Dear Readers,

Living in Chicago, one can’t help but notice how many efforts are made to raise the city’s revenue.

This gave me an idea: I’ve decided to print up my own tickets and hand them out for all kinds of infractions ranging from telling boring stories to being naked too long in the gym locker room.  Fines will go from $10 to $150, which I think is fair.

Does anyone want to get in on this with me so we can have an unbeatable coalition and raise our personal revenues?

Sincerely,

Poor Lucky Me

Dear Readers,

How long do you listen to people talk about horoscopes, religion, numerology, etc before you stop them and tell them you think it’s b.s?

Sincerely,

Poor Lucky Me